I am pregnant and I
want to ask you if I can be a good mother and if the child can be okay. ... I
wanted a baby so much; that's why I don't know. Maybe I'm not strong enough --
that's why I wanted to ask you.
You have a very great
desire to be a mother.
So be, mm? But be
knowing that you are taking on a great responsibility.
To become a mother is
one of the greatest responsibilities in the world.
So many people are on
the psychiatrists' couches and so many people are in madhouses and so many are
out of the madhouses. If you go deep into the neurosis of humanity you will
always find the mother, because so many women want to be mothers but they don't
know how to be.
Once the relationship
between the mother and the child goes wrong the child's whole life goes wrong,
because that is his first contact with the world, his first relationship.
Everything else will be in continuity with it. And if the first step goes
wrong, the whole life goes wrong.
The desire is there --
I can feel it... a tremendous desire to be a mother.
Nothing is wrong in
it, but one should knowingly become a mother. You are taking one of the
greatest responsibilities that a human being can take.
Men are a little freer
in that way because they cannot take the responsibility of becoming a mother.
Women have more responsibility. So become a mother, but don't take it for
granted that just by being a woman one is necessarily a mother -- that is a
Motherhood is a great
art; you have to learn it.
So start learning about
A few things I would
like to say to you.
First, never treat the
child as yours; never possess the child. It comes through you but it is not
yours. God has only used you as a vehicle, a medium, but the child is not your
possession. Love, but never possess the child. If the mother starts possessing
the child then the life is destroyed. The child starts becoming a prisoner. You
are destroying his personality and you are reducing him to a thing. Only a
thing can be possessed: a house can be possessed, a car can be possessed --
never a person. So this is the first lesson -- get ready for it. Before the
child comes you should be able to greet him as an independent being, as a
person in his own right, not just your child.
And the second thing:
treat the child as you would treat a grown-up person.
Never treat a child
like a child.
Treat the child with
God has chosen you to
be a host.
God has entered into
your being as a guest The child is very fragile, helpless. It is very difficult
to respect the child. It is very easy to humiliate the child.
Humiliation comes very
easy because the child is helpless and cannot do anything, cannot retaliate,
cannot react. Treat the child as a grown-up, and with great respect. Once you
respect the child, you don't try to impose your ideas on him. You don't try to
impose anything on the child. You simply give him the freedom -- freedom to
explore the world. You help him to become more and more powerful in exploring
the world but you never give him directions. You give him energy, you give him
protection, you give him security, all that he needs, but you help him to go
farther away from you to explore the world.
And of course in
freedom the wrong is also included.
It is very difficult
for a mother to learn that when you give freedom to a child it is not freedom
only to do good. It is also necessarily the freedom to do bad, to do wrong. So
make the child alert, intelligent, but never give him any commandments --
nobody keeps them, and people become hypocrites. So if you really love the
child, the one thing has to be remembered: never, never help him in any way,
force him in any way, to become a hypocrite.
And the third thing:
don't listen to the morality, don't listen to religion, don't listen to culture
-- listen to nature.
Whatsoever is natural
is good -- even if sometimes it is very difficult for you, very uncomfortable
Because you have been
not brought up according to nature. Your parents were not bringing you up with
real art, love. It was just an accidental thing.
Don't repeat the same
Many times you will
feel very uneasy.... For example a small child starts playing with his sexual
The natural tendency of
the mother is to stop the child because she has been taught that this is wrong.
Even if she feels that nothing is wrong, if somebody is there she feels a
little embarrassed. Feel embarrassed! That is your problem; that has nothing to
do with the child. Feel embarrassed.
Even if you lose
respectability in society, lose -- but never interfere with the child. Let
nature take its own course. You are there to facilitate whatsoever nature is
You are not to direct
You are just to be
there as a help.
So these three
things... and start meditating.
Before the child is
born you should go as deeply as possible in meditation.
When the child is
within your womb, whatsoever you are doing continuously goes as a vibration to
If you are angry, your
stomach has a tension of anger.
The child immediately
When you are sad, your
stomach has an atmosphere of sadness.
Immediately the child
feels dull, depressed.
The child totally
depends on you.
Whatsoever is your
mood is the mood of the child.
The child has no
independence right now: your climate is his climate.
So no more fighting,
no more anger.
That's why I say that
to be a mother is a great responsibility.
You will have to
sacrifice much. Now during these coming seven months you have to be very very
The child is more
important than anything else.
If somebody insults
you, accept it, but don't get angry.
Say, 'I am pregnant,
and the child is more important than getting angry at you. This episode will
pass and after a few days I will not remember who has insulted me and what I
have done. But the child is going to be there at least seventy, eighty years in
the world. It is a big project.'
Even if you want, note
it down in the diary.
When the child is born,
then you can be angry, but not right now.
Just say, 'I am a
pregnant mother. I cannot be angry -- that is not allowed.'
This is what I call
No more sadness, no
more anger, no more hatred, no more fighting with Anand Veda.
Both have to look to
When a child is there
you are both secondary; the child has every preference.
Because a new life is
going to be born... and it is going to be your fruit.
If from the very
beginning anger, hatred, conflict, enters into the child's mind, then you are
causing hell for him.
He will suffer.
Then it is better not
to bring a child into the world.
Why bring a child into
The world is tremendous
In the first place
bringing a child into this world is a very risky affair.
But even if you want
that, at least bring a child who will be totally different in this world -- who
will not be miserable, who will at least help the world to be a little more
He will bring a little
more festivity into the world... a little more laughter, love, life.
So for these days, be
Dance, sing, listen to
music, meditate, love.
Be very soft.
Don't do anything
hectic, in a hurry.
Don't do anything in a
Slow down absolutely.
A great guest is to
come -- you have to receive him.