Ma Anand Disha left her body

Much more Disha's Links and photo galleries at the end of this page courtesy www.rupda.com


5th aniversary of Disha's body death



In memory of our beloved friend Disha
17 April 1969 - 8 September 2005
The photos in this montage were taken at the hospital where Disha was kept on life support for a day.
Then surrounded by loved ones crying, humming gently, the final goodbyes before her last breath.

Photos and montage by Kayo
Music by Chaitanya Hari - Deuter: Dämmerschein from the album East of the Full Moon.



The following scenes took place at Disha & Bhakta's home in Samasati, ?a beautiful commune of friends Mullumbimby, NSW, Australia

Disha's Life Celebration
Part 1 - 15 Sep 05

Gathering of women?to wash & dress Disha's body

Photos & montage by Kayo
Music by Kevin Kern - Twilight's Embrace + Water Tapestry from the album Summer Daydreams



Disha's Life Celebration Part 2

at Samasati, Wilson Creek, NSW Australia

Photos & montage by Kayo

Music by
Ito Kayo - Main Version from Medicine Buddha Mantras
Fiona Joy Hawkins - Turquoise Interlude from Blue Dream
Fiona Joy Hawkins - Feeling Sunshine from Blue Dream



Dawn at Samasati after all night wake.
Final scenes at the crematorium.

Photos and montage by Kayo

Music by:
Deuter - Earth Light from the album Earth Blue
Disha - Drowning in Grace from the album Drowning in Grace



Osho on grief and loss

Osho speaks in darshan to a mother whose child just died



We are all here just to disappear sooner or later. Life is very precarious, accidental, any moment anybody can go.

So don't be worried about what happened, there is no why. All the answers that can be given to your why will be nothing but consolations to somehow rationalise a thing which is mysterious, but which by rationalising we hope to console ourselves. I am not interested in consoling, because it is a dangerous game this consolation. It keeps you hidden behind buffers.

The truth is that the child was alive and is alive no more. This should make you understand the dreamlike quality of life. Life is made of the stuff called dreams. We may be seeing a beautiful dream but it can be broken by any small thing - just a noise and the dream disappears. It may have been a sweet dream and one feels hurt and one wants to close one's eyes and continue dreaming - but now nothing can be done.

Rather than finding explanations and consolations, always look at the naked truth. It is sad, it hurts, it is painful: see it, that it is so, but don't try to somehow whitewash it. All explanations and all philosophies are nothing but efforts to whitewash things which are not white, which are very dark and mysterious.

When such moments come, they are of tremendous significance because in these moments, awakening is possible. When your child dies, it is such a shock; you can awaken in such a shock; rather than crying and wasting the opportunity. After a few days the shock will be shock no more: time heals everything. After a few years you will forget all about it. By the end of your life it may look as if you had seen it in some movie or read about it in a novel. In time it would have faded and faded so far away that only an echo..............catch hold of it right now. This is the moment when it can help you to be alert, awake. Don't miss the opportunity; all consolations are ways of missing opportunities.

Never ask "why". Life is without any "why" and death is without any "why". The "why" cannot be answered, need not be answered. Life is not a problem that can be solved, neither is death. Life and death are both parts of the mystery which knows no answer. The question mark is ultimate. So all that can be done in such situations is that one should awaken, because these shocks can become a breakthrough. Thinking stops, the shock is such that the mind goes in a blur. Nothing seems to be meaningful, all seems to be lost. One feels an utter stranger, outsider, uprooted. These are tremendously significant moments; these are the moments when you enter into a new dimension. And death is one of the greatest doors that open into the divine. When somebody so close as a child is to a mother, dies, it is almost the death of yourself, as if you had died, a part of you has died.

So just see that life is a dream, that everything will disappear sooner or later, dust into dust. Nothing abides here. We cannot make our home here. It is a caravanserai, an overnight's stay and in the morning, we go. But there is one thing which is constantly there and permanently there - that is your watching, your witnessing. Everything else disappears, everything else comes and goes, only witnessing remains.

So witness this whole thing. Just be a witness, don't become identified. Don't be a mother, otherwise you are identified. Just be a witness, a silent watcher and that watching will help you tremendously, that is the only key which opens the doors of mysteries. Not that it solves anything, but it makes you capable to live the mysterious, and to live it totally.

- Osho

more on the topic of death from Osho ...

09 september 2005 - News update from Rupda:

Not sure how to write this... my hands are shaking and I'm feeling lost. I received a call during the night (Europe time) that Disha has been airlifted and taken to intensive care (morning time Australia). She had been experiencing bad cramps, and after a visit to the hospital a few days ago, they sent her home with painkillers and told her that every things fine. Well, it turned that Disha was two months pregnant, and because Disha reversed her sterilization last year, the dangers of being pregnant and not knowing that there is an egg growing in your fallopian tubes is the major risk factor in pregnancies after sterilisation. Disha was suffering from immense pains and loss of blood, that her boyfriend, Bhakta, called the paramedics to have her rushed to the hospital. She stopped breathing, and had to be manually assisted, it didn't take long for them to realize that not only was Disha suffering from internal bleeding, but she had also been bitten by a deadly brown snake. By the time she was airlifted to the hospital, doctors were already giving the worse case scenarios. As I write you now, the phone has not stopped ringing with updates from those that are with her.... it is night time in Australia now, Disha is on life support, her liver has failed and doctors are doing every thing they can to save her.

Please light a candle... say a prayer.

Hours have just past, and I've received more calls from Australia -- their saying Disha wont make it through the night.

The following message was sent at 22:20, Australia time:

Hey Rupda a quick email - call anytime for more information, even 3 am - we don't have your phone number.

what's happening now is that because Disha was bitten by a brown snake as well as having an ectopic pregnancy, she probably will not survive the night. a scan showed that there was too much brain damage, because she stopped breathing for too long. so after her tubes were repaired and the antivenom given, she managed to breath by herself (off the machine), but then because of the brain damage, she couldn't sustain breathing.

her mum will arrive Saturday.



Last news europe time:
08 september 2005 - Disha is on life support machine at the moment.
09 september 2005 - The body is stable but no improvement.
09 september 2005 - Disha left her body.


09 september 2005 - News update from Rani:

Beloveds

I received this message this morning with the request to pass it on to all those who know and love Disha

Dear mangala

I received this from Nishanto and Shanasa

Beloved Friends of Disha

I am going to have to keep this message short for now. I will be writing to everyone soon that knows and loves Disha what has been happening. What is important for now and today is that she needs you in your prayers and thoughts. I am on the way back to the hospital to spend the day there. She made it through the night. Her condition was unchanged until this morning. More recently I received a phone call from Adri that she is starting to get worse faster. According to the Doctors it is very likely that she might not make it through the day. We all feel miracles have happen and we are all hoping for one. Disha is strong and she wants to live, that is what we all feel. Sitting next to her in ICU I spoke to Disha yesterday (I believe that even though she is in a deep coma she can hear us) and told her how much love there is for her and that she is in our thoughts and prayers everywhere in the world. I have never known someone so heartful and a beautiful friend as Disha. This is very sad for all of us and very difficult to understand. I know it is for me right now. I am not sure how it all works, I am not even sure if it is just the mind wanting to make it all alright for Disha or for me, but from the moment we started doing CPR yesterday to this moment, I truly feel that she is alright wherever she is right now. I feel a light around her.

All my love and we will keep in touch

love nishanto
...
Upon getting this letter this morning I called to Byron, and finally got Ekant on the phone.

He told me that she died a few minutes ago.

I am in total shock about it.
So sad.
Apparently she got very sick two days ago.
Went to the hospital, they said it was after hours and not urgent and to come back the next day.
They did, she was very sick and they said it was nothing.
In the afternoon she got into a come, a helicopter flew in, life support but already then there were no more vital signs.
She was on life support for about 24 hours and they just turned off the machines.
I called to Byron and just got the news.
No one is sure yet what has happened.
Either a pregnancy in the tubes or a snake bite.

Beloveds
So much love
Let us send her and Baktha light on their way.
Enjoy the moment, it can be gone so fast.

Rani



from Shanasa and Nishanto:

We have just come back from the hospital,and I just wanted to give you and the many who love Disha an update about what happened this afternoon.
Today the dokter in charge called Bakthi and the many that gathered in the hospital together and told us that Disha"s brain had died,and that the major organs were not functioning anymore,and that there was nothing they could do for Disha anymore.
He told us that her body had basically died already by the time she went on lifesupport,and that the machines kept her artificially alive.
Baktha decided to let her go and stop the machines,and a while later we all gathered around Disha to say goodbye.
We hummed together for a while,and after that a few friends stayed behind to be with her while the machines where switched off,and the tube was removed from her mouth.
She looked so peacefull,and her eyes slowly opened halfway,and closed again.
After that they brought her in a separate room,where everybody was allowed to be with her,and we played music and Osho tapes.
Coming home I walked into the meditationroom in sammasati which is full of her pictures and candles and her music is playing,and it felt so peacefull to sit there.
I feel very sad that we will never see her anymore,and very thankfull for meeting her,she was just so full of live and love,she will be missed by all of us.

Lots of love
Shanasa & Nishanto

from Rupda:

I was on the phone with Australia earlier today. There have been some questions regarding the legitimacy of the snake bite that Disha had received. There are no signs of entry/snake bite on Disha and it's possible that some of the symptoms that Disha was suffering from we're solely due to her ectopic pregnancy hemorrhaging. On Monday they will perform an autopsy and the coroner will give a definitive answer to whether Disha even suffered from a snake bite or not. If the snake bite is ruled out, then we have a clear cause of death, and if there was negligence to Disha's death, those responsible for sending Disha home that day... will need to stand up for that... at the very least.

There was NO snake bite. Confirmed.
A full criminal investigation will now be underway..


Devakrishna painting made while Disha was on support machine
Fly High Disha
work 117 - acrylic, gold and mix media - 120x120 cm. Devakrishna - view more ...


Disha as a Sannyas Kid at the far right

LATEST NEWS

from Nishanto and Shanasa:

So many people are asking for any news to fill in the caps in the events that lead up to Disha¹s death, and here it is:

Beloved Friends of Disha

I have been reading so many incredible messages going around from all over the world. Disha is so loved by so many. To me Disha so much embodied the meaning of love and grace. There is so much sadness and it seems so untimely what has happen to Disha. And then again in the spirit of the Divine and far more then any of us might ever understand. I imagine Disha might just be having a great time wherever she is.

I have been feeling for a few days that I would like to write down what happened just so everyone that was not here and was not able to speak to someone directly, maybe gets some clarification and understanding of the events that led up to Friday afternoon. I spoke to Nandan today and she really wanted me to send it. Everybody in Samasati has been receiving so many phone calls. I am sorry I have not been able to send this before but as you can imagine it has been quiet a few days up here.

For me it all started when I went to Disha's and Bhakta's house. Together with Bhakta, Adri and Shanasa we tried to help her by doing CPR and stayed with her for a lot of the time until Friday when the machines that kept her alive, were switched off. We tried as much as we could to give support to Bhakta and help with any practical things that needed to be taken care off. Bhakta has been incredible through the last few days. Focusing his being and love on Disha.

Around 5:30 am on Thursday morning, Shanasa and me received a phone call from Bhakta asking for help with Disha. He said that Disha was in trouble and needed our help. We went over to their house immediately. Adri was already there, having been called before us and was trying to help Disha by giving her air. I realised immediately that Disha was not breathing and had no pulse. I also did not feel any heartbeat. Her pupils appeared fully dilated. She was already laying in a good position for CPR, which we started immediately. I started compression's and Adri did the breathing part. Bhakta was holding her feet , talking to her asking her to please come back to us. He was really amazing with it all and so incredibly present with her and very focused. When Shanasa came into the room I directed him to do the compression's and I called 000. Daisy already had previously called the ambulance, they were on the way. I wanted a doctor on the phone to assist us with CPR and anything else what needed to happen. Just to make sure that we are doing it the right way. I also knew that once we started with CPR we had to keep going until the Ambulance arrived as required by Australian Law.

A female doctor came to the phone and I stayed connected with her until the Ambulance arrived. I monitored the CPR with the help of the doctor on the phone while Adri and Shanasa were busy doing the actual CPR. On some point Bhakta took over from Shanasa while Adri made sure that Disha got air into her lungs.

Because of where we live it took the Ambulance 35-40 minutes to arrive. During that time Disha never regained consciousness, nor did she breath on her own. I also was not able to feel any heartbeat or pulse. When the paramedics arrived they took over. They attached her to a heart and blood pressure monitor, It looked like there was no heartbeat. Adri confirmed that later as he had asked the paramedics about that. Eventually there were six paramedics busy with her. After about 30 minutes they moved her into an Ambulance to bring her 1 km further to the helicopter. Then they flew her to Lismore Base Hospital.

I am not totally sure what happened previously and what were the exact events that lead up to Disha's collapse. It is maybe better to let Bhakta give you the exact account of that. What I do understand from speaking to Bhakta is that Disha got very sick on Wednesday sometimes around late afternoon. Because Disha was pregnant they were concerned and searched the Net to learn some information in regard to ectopic pregnancies and the associated symptoms to that. On some point they decided to go to the Mullumbimby local hospital ( Emergency).

Bhakta said they told the doctor that she was pregnant and that they had some concerns. I understand from talking to Bhakta that no ultrasound was done at any time nor was it ever suggested. She was diagnosed with stomach gastritis. They kept Disha in the hospital for about 3 hours for observation, gave her some medication for her discomfort and pain. Then they send them home. Disha and Bhakta arrived home sometimes before midnight.

I am not sure of any time frame from what followed but it seems that sometimes between midnight and early morning, Disha's condition started to get worse. She felt more pain, and experienced moments of dizziness and started to vomit. Bhakta called the hospital twice during the night. In both instances he spoke to a different nurse which assured him that she is fine and it was the medication and her low blood pressure due to her pregnancy that was making her drowsy and ill. I believe that Bhakta again stressed his concern about her pregnancy and that something might be wrong. They never suggested that she should come back into the hospital.

I feel whatever was happening to Disha on some point must have taken a turn for the worst and very fast. Bhakta then called Adri, Shanasa and me for help.

After Disha was taken to the Hospital. Bhakta, Amira, Shanasa and me followed by car. Lismore is one hour away from where we live. The drive there was intense. I was wondering how Disha is doing, wondering if she had woken up maybe, if she had maybe died. I was scared really and not really sure how to take in what just had happened.

When we arrived at the hospital we were taken into a room where an emergency nurse came to see us. She asked Bhakta what had happened. Bhakta explained about going to the hospital, the phone calls. On some point he mentioned the reversal of pregnancy. On this point the nurse went to see the doctors and told them and they immediately rushed her to the operating room to check her out for an ectopic pregnancy.

About 30 minutes later the doctor that operated on her came to see us and explained her current condition to us. Disha did have an ectopic pregnancy which had broken and she had bled into her tummy about 3 litres of blood. This had caused her blood pressure to drop significantly. They believe that she has had a cardiac arrest at home due to her blood pressure drop and that she had stopped breathing at home. They told us that "she is very, very ill and they don't believe that this will have a positive outcome" however at that point she was stable. Her heart was beating, although not on her own. For the moment Disha was on life supportive machines keeping her alive.

They brought us up to another room near the ICU where Disha was going to be. Around 11:30 am, Disha was moved into the ICU. Sometimes after that her doctor and a medical team did some more tests on her to decide on her current condition. Then they came to talk to us. I feel that Disha had an incredible medical team around her that really cared for her not just in a medical sense. They were beautiful with her and with us. They really gave us as much space as we wanted to be with her, which I found amazing, given how many people were at the hospital wanting to sit with her. And also given that she was in ICU around other people that were very sick.

When the doctors came to talk with us that is the news that we got. They told us that Disha is very ill. That she is on a life supportive machine that is keeping her alive. That her heart is beating, but her blood pressure is very low and they are not able to get it stronger at this point. That she is been given lots of medications to keep her heart beating , and she was also receiving lots of blood. They said, that there is a problem with her blood, it was not clotting at all. They told us that her eyes are fully dilated as they are when a person has died or the person's brain has died. Her kidneys have failed. Her liver is not doing very good. He gave her very little chance of recovery. He said they were worried about her brain, they believed that it had died. However he also said that there is the miracle factor and because she is so young they need to take this in consideration. We were all praying for that miracle.

A few of us were in the hospital. We took turns in sitting by her bed side, praying with her, loving her, talking with her. Sitting in silence with her.

Sometimes in the afternoon, there was some news that she had tested positive for a brown snake bite. This was later ruled out again. The doctors explained that in some cases, very ill people that have a lot of medications put into their bodies, snake serum tests can come back positive. By yesterday he completely confirmed that he does not believe that any snake bite was ever involved.

On Thursday evening the doctors called us again into a room that was made available to us. He said that she had not gotten any better. That her organs are breaking down. Her blood pressure remains weak. He explained that they had done some further tests on her brain, that there was no change, her eyes were still fully dilated. He also explained that they are pumping a lot of blood into her, that her blood is still not clotting. He also confirmed another ultra sound. He said she was loosing blood again into her belly. He said that in her condition it was impossible to perform another operation and he concluded that Disha probably will not make it through the night. After that we continued to take turns in visiting her. I went home at that point to get some rest which was not easy. Some other people arrived at the hospital and stayed through the night. The next morning I received a phone call from Sagarpriya. She told me that Disha's condition is unchanged. 1/2 hour later , Shanasa received a phone call, saying that Disha is getting worse. Shanasa and me went back to the hospital.

It was Friday and many friends came to the hospital. The hospital hall was full of people. Around 12 pm. Two doctors and a nurse came into the room and called everybody in. I really liked the doctor. I felt the team that was caring for Disha medically in the Lismore Base Hospital, were the best she could have hoped for. The Doctor explained to us what is happening.

He said, that Disha has gotten worse. He explained that through the night her liver had failed. Her Kidneys failed. He said that they had done further test on the brain. He explained that they can do reflex tests to see if there was any life in the brain. He explained that Disha's brain is dead and that the stem cells are also dead. He said that her body is deteriorating fast now.

He confirmed that there is nothing that can be done for Disha anymore and he suggested that it would be best to take her off life support. He explain again the medical events that led up to this moment and he concluded that Disha had died at home before she came to the hospital. With that, he explained that in Australia the law is that a person is dead when the brain is dead. He added that he believes that not only as a medical professional but also spiritually.

He shared that often people feel that someone is still alive when they see the heart beating and air going into a body raising the chest up an down. He explain that the emotions and feelings come from the brain and when Disha's brain died, he believes that is when she left her body and that she is now in a higher place.

He said that it is very clear to him and his medical team why she died. He explained that she had an ectopic pregnancy that broke and made her loose a lot of blood into her tummy. That led to a very low blood pressure, leading to a cardiac arrest where she stopped breathing. He said he believes that happened at her home in the early hours on Thursday and she arrived at the Lismore Hospital essentially already died. They kept her body alive artificially in the hope that maybe Disha will come back, although that possibility was very slim from the start. However given her age they felt they had to give Disha the best possible chance there is. He said he was very sorry and that he can see how much she is loved. I told him that she was a very special women, to which he responded, I can see that, I just have to look around and see her in you.

At that point Bhakta ask him if he is absolutely sure that she is gone and that her brain is dead and nothing can be done for her anymore. The doctor said , yes I am is sure. Bhakta decided then that she should be taken off life support as soon as possible.

Sometimes around 3:30 pm Bhakta called in all the people from Samasati and some friends to stand next to her bed. I am sure how many people but maybe 30. We hummed for about 10 minutes and send her lots of love and prayers. After 10 minutes Bhakta asked everyone to go out. Just a few of us stayed behind. The nurse came and switched off the life support machines. She asked Bhakta if he would like the tubes to be removed. He said yes. The nurse was really sweet, she talked to Disha and said that she will take the tubes out and that it will be a little bit uncomfortable but she would feel better after wards.

Disha took the last breath out. It was amazing to see her eyes slowly opening , halfway. They stayed open for a while and then slowly at some point closed again.

Disha was taken off life support at 3:50 pm on Friday the 9th of September.

I realise that reading this events might bring up many different feelings around the experience Disha might have had been hooked up to those machines, been worked on by doctors. Her body took a beating there is no doubt about it. I would love to share something about this. I am aware that everyone's experience is different from mine and everyone feelings are different. My feeling was that at no time while Disha was in the hospital did I ever feel her there, for me it was clearly just her body, her beautiful body and host to her beautiful spirit. I also did not feel her in her body anymore when I arrived Thursday morning in her house to help her. It was as clear to me as it can be with the limited understanding I might have about what happens to us when we die. I did feel her however very strongly in the room. I felt her passing in my back. I felt her as a light, sparkling. I did not experience her in any pain or fear.

On some point during the time when we were all in the room. Disha lying on the floor, Bhakta holding her feet, 6 paramedics frantically working on her. Shanasa, Avikal, Amira and Adri, just there. And me, being practical on the phone. At some point I was looking over to what was happening and it was almost as if I was watching a scene on TV and the sound was turned off. I experienced a deep silence and peace. Later Adri shared with us that he had the same experience. I don't know anything about all of this. I can only go by what I was feeling, and I also realise that it might just be my mind and desire to want to make it all better. But I truly believe that Disha died at home which she treasured, next to Bhakta whom she loved deeply, with her baby inside that she wanted so much and Yamuna her little puppy laying next to her. I feel her at peace. A dear friend is gone. I will miss her, I will cry for her, but I will dance, laugh and sparkle for her. From the moment I met her many years ago when she was only 9 years old to this moment. Disha, to me, you are the embodiment of the meaning of love and spirit. To me your heart was a place of prayer. My beloved Disha, goodbye............my gorgeous, wild and so gentle, juicy, graceful, spirited loving, funny, most beautiful most beloved friend. I am grateful to have spend this crazy and wonderful life with you. I love you now and forever.

Disha's body will have to undergo an autopsy as there is an investigation on the way for Criminal Medical Negligence. This was put into motion probably by the Lismore Hospital. If the Coroner is satisfied with his findings on Monday he will release her body on Tuesday and we can have her celebration on Wednesday - Thursday. If they have to send her for further forensic tests the celebration might happen either Thursday or Friday. Bhakta likes to have the celebration as soon as possible.

Somebody or myself will inform Rupda or Devakrishna when the celebration will happen.

I like to end this letter by saying how amazing Bhakta has been in the last few days. Many people are deeply touched by how focused he has been. I can't imagine what this would be like for me would it be my Beloved. Bhakta has been so amazing with Disha in the last few days, putting her always first, loving her and saying goodbye in such as gracious way. Watching him I could feel Osho and the spirit of Bhakta and Disha of who they were together.

For now, all my love to all of you that loved Disha so much.

Nishanto

There have been some questions regarding the legitimacy of the snake bite that Disha had received. There are no signs of entry/snake bite on Disha and it's possible that some of the symptoms that Disha was suffering from we're solely due to her ectopic pregnancy hemorrhaging.

On Monday they will perform an autopsy and the coroner will give a definitive answer to whether Disha even suffered from a snake bite or not. If the snake bite is ruled out, then we have a clear cause of death, and if there was negligence to Disha's death, those responsible for sending Disha home that day... will need to stand up for that... at the very least.

Devakrishna painting made while Disha was on support machine
Between Heaven and Earth
work 118 - acrlylic, iron & copper rust - 120x120 cm. Devakrishna - view more ...


A poem from Rupda:

I could not sleep alone last night, so I took a train
to a friends house to sleep on their couch
I lit a candle when I crawled under the covers
I slept next to it
The candle went out at 6:AM with loud crackling
and I awoke to see the last flame disappear
and my heart pounding beneath my breath
I received a call 2 hours later that Disha had
left the body -- roughly 4:PM Australia time.
I can't stop crying...
this is so unreal
tears, tears, tears...
I love you all so deeply
whatever the stories are
at the end of the day...
This circle of friends has
been the biggest support
and biggest love of my life


Our hearts are with you Disha... forever!

Disha always loved circles of sharing's,
so in honor of her, I've set up a forum
and invite you to share something..

enter: www.rupda.com/messageboard.htm



from Ganga Raj:

the other day i read oshos's book "be still and know", which includes a section about osho's father's death. In the introduction it says:
"...september 8th is now Mahaparinirvan Diwas - a celebration in the memory of Swami Devateertha Bharti ( osho's father), Swami Anand Vimalkirti and all the sannyasins who have left their bodies and who will be leaving their bodies."
Disha went september 8th, right? No coincidence....

from Tarika:

thanks for the letter and for the information about Disha, we could follow her journey into death, until she got taken off the life support machines, from here in Khaknal, and are very touched, and sad for those who are left behind. We made a chocolate cake in honour of her departure and listen to her songs and send her all our love.
She will be missed.
lots of love
Tarika

from Sukhama:

Beloveds, Thank - you all for this beautiful site & for keeping us all informed during Dishas sudden departure. Our beloved Deesh. I feel her so much - Beauty, light, love, so much passion, joy & spontaneity Being so far away & still feeling such a depth of pain & loss, it has been so helpful to be connected through emails from friends & with Krish & rupda's site. It is still just unbelievable that she is no longer with us in her body, that we'll no longer see her or hear her laugh & sing. I hadn't seen Disha for 6 years now, but like with so many beloved friends I felt like it was just yesterday that we saw each other & laughed together & melted in a hug. My heart goes out to all her beloveds everywhere & especially Bakta & Nandan & friends that were in her day to day life, & ofcourse Rafia & on & on & on. So much saddness - such a loss for us. Thanks Rafia for such a beautiful opening for Dishas celebration. What to do but feel it & know how precious life is & be here now, U never know what the next minutes bring. It saddens me to tears so often this past week & with the tears & memories of fun & dances & parties & sharing & laughter I had with Deesh....I slowly let her go & know that where she is is brighter with her presence. I found a delicious smelling chocolate candle & I light it for her to send her off & celebrate her beauty, her joy, her life.
I send my prayers out,
fly high deesh, fly high ...
in love & light,
Sukhama



from Anugyan:

we had a spontanious celebration here in boulder last night with a few friends.... in the middle, part of the flower decorations collapsed and many felt she was saying goodbye. It was a joy to sing and feel the oneness of all and the presence of osho around .
Lots of love ... Anu

from Samhitta:

i am so utterly sad. we had a celebration here in boulder last night and i felt i was not a very good sanyassin . just cannot stop crying .... love samhitta

from Divakar:

Thank you for your mails, we had already decided to sing Magnificence on the Singing Buddhas meeting Friday night before we got the news about Disha.
I kept singing it the whole day, she will always be the one for me when it comes to that song.
Shantidharma is still here, we will go North from Sunday on.
Maybe there will be a caravan of singing soon.
Love
Divakar

from Sarjano:

It makes one feeling
as part of a big, open family,
grazie,

but,
if I die one day,
please don't let anybody
ask "Why- why- why ?"
Otherwise I'll have to come back
just to say "WHY NOT ?"


ps.
for the pix,
better keep it with me.
Se conosci l'amore & l'amicizia
che c'e stata tra noi,
puoi facilmente immaginare,
che tipo di foto ho privilegiato !


Inclusa una stupenda sequenza al fiume
con Premal..
un sogno,

ciao,
Sarjano

from Adheesh

In June Disha visited me in Munich. Days after that my house stayed full of light und bliss. I knew Disha for many years. Very often we spoke about children. "I" have a little sun, Max, which is nine years old. He knew Disha. He spent his first two weeks of his life at our place in Pune. Disha loved him and over the years she always asked me about Max. It was her wish to have a little Buddha too. Yesterday I told Max what happened to Disha. He said, well I do know about snakes in Australia. They are dangerous. But Disha is not dead. I agree with him. "My" kid is also Disha's son. He is born in a spirit which belongs to all of us. For ever and ever. So all I can say to You, Disha: Hello, see you, and I love you.
Swami Anand Adheesh

from Azima:

Caro Krishna ho saputo da poche ore che Disha ha lasciato il corpo.........................Che dire piango e non riesco ad immaginare che una bellissima ragazza come lei sia andata secondo me così prematuramente via. Dovrebbe essere in BARDO ora per cui se tanti di noi che la abbiamo amata le mandiamo luce ed amore MA SOPRATTUTTO LUCE BIANCA COL VOLTO DI OSHO può aiutarla a passare il tunnel del Maya. Se puoi e lo senti potresti mettere questo messaggio nel tuo sito che è molto letto dagli amici sannyasins.

Inoltre sarebbe importante capire se è morta per la emorraggia o per il morso del serpente........

SI.... è morta per emorraggia dovuta ad una gravidanza ectopica nelle tube. Ed alla prima visita in ospedale le hanno somministrato solo dei painkiller senza fare ecografie o altri test e la hanno rimandato a casa. Il serpente non c'entra niente ed era successo molto tempo prima. Ieri sono stato tutto il giorno sotto schock sai che quando stavo con Nandan lei era per me come una figlioletta. Mi sembra una morte prematura era così piena di vita e gioia........ma l'esistenza è molto più vasta di noi e possiamo solo accettare che la nostra amica non ha più il corpo. Ci mancherà a tutti noi vecchi amici di un tempo.

TANTO AMORE CARO KRISHNA E TIENICI INFORMATI LOVE AZIMA

PS: è appena arrivata la notizia che a Miasto si terrà una celebrazione per Disha questa domenica - Azima



from Devageet:

I just heard about Disha. Dhyanesh emailed me.
I am shocked and saddened by this completely unexpected news.
I have known and loved Disha since she was tiny.
I had a special Disha place in my heart.
The planet will be a little less beautiful by her passing.
Love
Devageet

...

Reading through Nishanto's story of her last time with Deesha's body, I am deeply touched.
Deesha was a rare and lovely human being and this world will be a little less beautiful without her living presence.
I am remembering when we went to the West End Cinema together.
She was about 9, the same age as my own daughter in England
. After that, as the years flew past, I was a spectator in her life as she grew and matured.
In the first years of Rajneeshpuram, at 11 years old, she and English Vimal were the most brilliant toolshop team.
It was largely due to their efforts that FAWK happened so beautifully.
She was, and is, wonderful. Wherever she has landed... that place will be made brighter by her presence.
Love Devageet

from Shunyo:

Beloved Krishna
thank you for helping us (with your site and messages) to be together in this very sad time.

Our Disha was the most loved and cherished of all the people I know and she shared so much joy and love with us all. It is very sad and almost impossible to believe that she has gone.
love to you, Shunyo

from Satyarthi:

Sooo Sad this happened to Dish.
I loved her very much and will miss her.
We have to live are life with totallity and not let ar fear and shame run it.
So Krish love you and take care!!!
Satsie

from Bikku and Vaduda:




thank you so much for the work you have done with setting up the web info for Disha.

New Earth has put up Disha's song 'How long' from the CD' Sutras of the Heart' as free download on our website this morning: enter

We all miss her so much.
Love, Bhikkhu

from Yoganand:

Disha your death feels so unreal to me. Since the first time I saw you in Leonardo da Vinci I was fascinated from your beauty, fluidity, joy, aliveness, sense of humour, natural way of being, innocents, intelligence and strength. You are present in my heart and I thank you for having met you.
Yoganand

from Garimo:



Beloveds, Nish called me today saying that in Disha's will she asked that I paint her coffin. As I am in India and can't be there to do it, I am sending some digital art I did for her on the day she died, to be included in the communal coffin decoration. Krish, can you please forward it to Rupda's site for Disha. Priya asked for the picture of the three of us. Ash and I are totally there with everyone in spirit.



So much love - Garimo

from Parmanand:

ciao krishna, sono a poona da due giorni e sono sotto schoc, ieri mattina con mutribo e altra gente che e qui a aut of africa ... ci siamo seduti per un po in silenzio per dare energia a disha.
Mi sento un po fragile ... ma sono positivo ... quello che succede non e nelle nostre mani ... anche se e dura da accettare ... questa storia di disha a toccato nel profondo molti di noi, un abraccio forte a meera
Love Parmanad

from Chid & Jyoti:

For Disha: it is difficult to immagine that Disha left her body....really this terrible news broke our hearts....we knew her from wen she was a tiny....We close our eyes... she still singing in the buddha hall.... Were ever you are now, sweet Disha, thank you.
Chid & Jyoti

from Mamaji:

Thank you for your sharings about Disha ...

her name came 3 times to me the last days, so Sammasati...and its people....
now i know "why"
i knew her briefly, but Premraj i knew, felt much love for her...
AY, Krishna...this *eternal dance of *Oceanic Love...!
remember Zeno?... and all we shared then?
please send my Love on to Bhakta and all friends who loved her so dearly!

OSHO'S words to us ...
"It is a great opportunity:
the planet, existence, has been so generous,
so kind ,so loving, so accepting,
that it has welcomed you to be here

Leave your mark!

you may be gone , but your laughter can remain
you may be gone, but your dance can remain behind
You may be gone, but the way you *lived ,will go on creating its own vibrations
the people of the future will be reminded, with gratitude, that they are inheritors of a great planet and of a great race of human beings"

OSHO


well Disha left her mark!
when i read all letters and reports
so will you
so will we
so let it go
~~~ on ...and on ....and on....~~~
this sweet , sweet song!
Love to you all, Mamaji

from Ketan:

A lot of love remembering you
a lot of sadness not seeing you
a lot of hope lissening you
a lot of joy thinking of you
a lot of ...
a...
Atmo Ketan

from Turyna:

Disha, Such an earthquake ...... For some reason, you simply felt immortal to me. I don't know you intimately, and still i feel you were so fully part of my representation of the world. This world is not the same anymore. "Ce que le papillon nomme la Mort, le Maître l'appelle Papillon"... (What the ...(? don't know the name in english) names Death, the Master calls it Butterfly).

So! Fly high, beautifull. And thank you for spreading so much light around the world, so much love to so many people.
Turyna

from Shanti:

Beloved Disha, words seem so trivial now. It was only a moment, less than a minute, when we met once and I felt the deep embrace of your loving eyes and then the delicious drowning and unquestioned surrender. I am so deeply grateful.

from Ruchi:

I love you Disha Thank you for being. Well all see you soon, but in the meantime, dance with more joy, live with more light and love even deeper to fill up the space you left behind. Ruchira

from Tom:

Just arrived back in Japan and got the news.Beloved Disha...light,beauty and the deepest purity,wisdom beyond your years.You were and are the mirror of vast love and goodness realised.You are in our hearts forever. Tom

from Nityanando:

Beloved Disha, Best Wishes and travel well. Thought of you lots in the last weeks, and wrote a story of a moment we shared long ago/yesterday. Now, to share a moment with you, without you. I Love You, nityanando

from Mahana:

Disha - sweet, free spirit...releasing your essence into space...touching the Dishaplace inside of me...what a richness of living and dying...thank you from the deep of my heart. Mahana

from Giten:

Love and Light to Disha, beautiful being
Love. Giten

from Pashupati:

Disha... you packed so much into such a short life... While youre there try and pester Osho into coming back with you... Youre essence has brought us all closer & with your passing made me realize how much were all still so connected. Love...Pashu

from Jivan Saahas:

beautifull disha,your fragerence will always be here,your light shines so bright still...love saahas

from Roxy and Purvesh:

Our beloved Dish
From all over the world... we hold hands to be with you.
We love you.
You make us feel soooo good.
You live in our hearts forever.


from Ramadhan:

for Disha...I cannot believe that so much beauty has left this shore...you are truly a beloved and blessed one.....my heart with you...
Ramadhan

from Gulab:

Beloved Dish, thank you for the beautiful moments we shared ....you are in my heart
Love Gulab

from Charna:

Really struck by the news. Such a playfull, beautifull and loving presence to be around. Your love and laughter will shine in us forever... May the ligth we share spread its wings.. and fly high
All my love ... Charna

from Amrita:

To all of Disha´s beloved friends in AUstralia
I thank you for letting me know about her passing. She is such a beautiful soft and gentle SOUL - itis hard to believe...
I will light a candle and send my prayers to her and you all
I am in SPain right now
With much love - Amrita

from Mahapatra :

from Maui, Hawaii Beloved sweet Disha
I did not know I had so many tears left inside me.
They just keep coming whenever I listen to your song, whenever I look at your pictures.
They are not tears of sadness. It's the radiant beauty of your soul and of your heart that showers upon me. It's the love and oneness I feel with all those precious beings from the sangha of early days I often miss so much. It's the same tears that rolled down my face last time when Amrito read 'The Prophet' for us in Buddha hall so many years ago. And I look at the picture of you and Osho and I know that you are in the light now, as you were in the light always.
You will be in my heart forever.
Mahapatra

from Sara

Thank you Krishna for sending this to me. I am speechless. How fast it can go, oh my God. I have Bhakta and Nandan and everyone who is heartbrokenly letting go of her, in my heart and wish them all the strength this takes.

Meera told me you had an accident in India. I wish you all the best for your recovery. My love to you, Sara

from Sharda:

Disha .... beloved beautiful soul, our lifes, how you wrote once, crosseds few times in mysterious ways, strongly and intensely ...I feel an immense loss in this earth, I feel an immense loss in my heart. All my gratefulness, all my deepest love to you wild delicate flower...and can all this sweet strong energy of yours beloveds, taking you with care in this new journey and touching the all earth helping and healing Bhakta, Nandan, Rafia.

from Milena (Utkantha):

Dear Krishna, thank you and Rupda for all the work and devotion you put in, in the memory of Disha.
Here in Amsterdam we will have a celebration tonight ( Wednesday 14.Sep) for her.
Dear Disha is already singing with the angels above, I pray everyone close to her in particular Nandan, Bhakta and Rafia find the strength to sing with her.
Her song ' How long' as been playing non stop on my laptop, reminding me of her sweet example of true surrender.

I thank Waduda and Bikkhu for making the song available to everybody.
Milena (Utkantha)



from Salila:

Dearest Disha... Dish thanks for giving me courage to walk this pathless path! I feel honored to have been touched by your radiant and compassionate heart. You were a gift to this planet and for me an arrow pointing to the nameless truth. Even your death is a reminder of how precious this moment is. I am deeply touched to hear of Disha's sudden departure and find myself silently dancing tears of gratitude. Dish, I celebrate your humanity, your totality and beauty...You will always be an inspiration.
In love Salila
PS Once again... You have opened my heart... Thank you!

from Vilma:

Il superfluo se ne va.
L'essenziale resta.
L'essenziale non è visibile agli occhi.
MA C'E'
SIAMO UNO
Love wil

from Punja:

Thanks for letting me know. Your page and that of Rupta are a beautiful way for us to cope with the pain. In this way I would like to send lots of love to Bhakta. My last memory of Disha was singing in Heart Dance with her a few years ago in Buddha Hall. I wish her many more songs and dances with fragrant silence in between.
Love love love from Punya

from Pratibha:

Singing for you Disha,
in front of 150 people in the big hall of Osho The Festival of Varazze,
was like letting my grief fly
and dissolve in your love and beauty
Thank you so much for your Being.
Pratibha

from Devamani:

disha you magnificent being...gratefulness for all the inspiration you are giving us...my heart is vibrating and feeling your love that has espread all over this planet earth and much more...reaching with you to eternity...tears of celebration....special moments full of love... all pouring to humanity.....sooo much love to you...always in my heart...i bow down to you and existence......devamani.

from Mark:

Disha
Thank you for your shining presence, your generosity of spirit, your joy and compassion, and for your loving heart.
In letting go of you a part of me also dies...
Thank you beloved one
Mark

Few photos of Disha's death celebration





More ...
- Disha's Celebration
- Open Talk at Celebration


from Ma Prem Seemo & Swami Bodhi Tarpan:

Beloved Friends, We just got the news about Disha's passing here in Florida where I have been living for the last five years. It was beautiful to see her photos and read all the wonderful messages from friends all over the world. Many thanks for creating the site and thanks to all for their the wonderful aknowledgements of her and her exquisit presence in our lives. A flower of a being she touched us in her ever graceful, loving and oh so sweet way.
Our love to Bhakta and Nandan.
Ma Prem Seemo & Swami Bodhi Tarpan

from Barkha:

My heart still soft and swollen for you, Disha,
small, gentle and corageus woman, the new-woman,
you teached so much to all of us girls,
I'm so greatefull to existence I could walked with you a few days. Your poetry and passion have been one of my highest inspirations, thank you also for the book of Mataji, wich is always on my night table. I have had three utopical pregnancy, my mind doesn't understand ...
Thank you, Barkha

from Vasant:

In tears of love; to Disha, Nandan, Bhakta, Krishna, Rafia and all friends.
In this world the only real is love, The rest is either bullshit or holy cow-dung.
Disha reminded us of this, In her life and now in her death.

So much love flowing freely between us, The whole global or rather intergalactic tribe that got touched, soaked or drowned in Osho's grace.

Let us remember:
There is only one Love, one Heart,
This is our true connection,
This is our True Self.
Thank you Disha,
You are a true devotee.

Jai Bhagwan,
Vasant Swaha

from Shastro:

Beloved Disha, what a beautiful wave of love all around the world you have triggered! Your life as well as your departure have been a gift to all of us. I see your song coming true: "....we are all worth of leaving in blissfulness now".
Dish, you are a babe of a saint!
In Love - Shastro

from Lalit:

I did not know of Disha`s passing and it has moved me deeply. We were friends on the ranch and have not seen her since, but I feel a deep loss for all of us and am grateful for that beautiful glimpse of her light and joy.
Thank you
Anand Lalit

from Pragosh:

Thanks for the updates of Dishas'celebration beautiful we had a small celebration in Amsterdam and she is inside all of us now .... take care with the tenous thread we have linking us to this realm.

from Roshani:

Beloved Disha
I will never forget the fun and playful joy of singing in Hollywood Superstar with you in Pune. It seems so unnatural when our young and beautiful children leave their bodies before we do. You are so well loved and you touched the lives of so many. You spread a much longer lifetime's share of love and light on this planet. Fly high beautiful beloved. Pave the way for us in the next life as you have done in this one.
Aloha, Mahalo and Love--Roshani

from Tribeni:

Dearest Deva-K
I am so sorry for our loss. I remember her vaguely as one of the kids, but had no personal experiences with Disha that I can recall...still, when one of our family moves into infinity as we all shall, and we witness the loving fairwells that our tribe invokes, we are moved and exhaulted by the spontaneious expression of grief and celebration.

Though our hearts are torn as one and then another melts into the abyss, we can create the consciousness that we will all be together again with him in time and space to silently go deeper - celebrate with wilder abandon and love each other more fiercely...we can create this samsara dance together through-out eternity until finally, we silently, explode into one.

Your art, as usual, manifests what my heart cannot voice, it is amazing in it's passion and light, depth and release. Thank you again and again and again for being.
in love, ma tribeni

from Ma Anand Surbala (Music Dept-Osho Resort Poona):

Beloveds,today the Heart Dance was dedicated to Disha.We sang with all our hearts and the energy was so soft,deep and playful at the same time.I have never experienced such a depth shared with only a few people who are here ...
it culminated in the ending song"Yemaya Assessu" ...
Disha sang through us..
Lots of LOVE to all - Ma Anand Surbala (Music Dept-Osho Resort Poona)

from Madita and Magno:

Thank you, Disha, for visiting our beautiful planet,
Thank you for visiting India,
Thank you for visiting our Master's garden,
Thank you for a few precious joyful moments,
Thank you for giving us your sweet smile,
Thank you for singing for us with your lovely voice,
Good bye, Disha, you have gone to where you came from.
Madita and Magno

from Satyadharma:

(for Disha)

Sensing the Light

The dust is thick
over our eyes.

In our cities, even floodwaters
cannot help us to see more clearly.

We rinse ourselves of the debris of our
derelict hopes and dreams
only to return to rebuild them --

Tables with 3 legs,
Pockets with private holes,
Weddings without women,
Classrooms empty with lost children.

We hang on the edge of a bomb crater
looking down at our lives crossing each other
below sea level.

If Satyadharma was sailing tonight
I would gather the stranded onboard
and open the keg.

Then I would light the ships lamps
and put out further, dancing and singing
watching for you.

On the tides of this sea
only the drowning, or the floating
know where the sky is.

Deep below, with eyes closed
resting by my candle of Illumination
I sail where the Silence leads,
all the while
sensing the Light.

*** copyright Satyadharma 2005

from Bhakta:

Hi Krish
you're my first email.
i saw your face a few days ago when i was staring into the deep night .........the buddhafield is alight!
man, i heard about what you did superduper! otoons rocks!



i just found this, she wrote & sang this on the 7-8-2005 maybe you wanna put it on your website with all, all my love.
love - Bhakta
Disha's last song here

from Krishna Prem:

"Death is the greatest fiction" - Osho

A friend of mine named Disha just left her body suddenly at the age of 36. The first word out of this great meditator's mind was "SHIT".

Death looks ugly to you because you have never known life, and death creates fear in you because you are afraid of life.

Remember, whatsoever your attitude towards life, your attitude towards death will be the same. If you are scared of death you are scared of life; if you love life, you will love death, because death is nothing but the highest peak, the completion. The song reaches its end, the river falls into the ocean. The river came from the ocean in the first place. Now the circle is complete, the river has arrived at the whole.
- Osho


Its simply not easy writing a light hearted newsletter whose motto is to "be a joke unto yourself" when a young friend dies.yes maybe I laugh out loud in life's face, but death simply just doesn't turn me on. What did turn me on was the fragrance that was somehow released when Disha left her body. It was exquisite and full of abundant love. All over the planet Disha's friends connected and cried and celebrated together. Her death took us all deeper into our own lives.

Something from her will, which was read by Rafia at her death celebration helped me to breathe again, "In case of my death I wish my body to be cremated with a joyous gathering of my friends. with lots of music, creativity and meditation. Bhakta can choose the music I love and if there is time and friends around, I like the idea of my casket being painted by all my friends. Spend money from my bank account to make it a yummy, abundant and aesthetic party."

Death becomes the ultimate celebration if your life is a celebration
- Osho


I first met Disha as an eight year old little girl, full of love and unawareness, in Poona. Disha had met another little girl in the first day of public school in Germany. and as the story goes, when her mother Nandan asked her what she learned in school today, Disha said, I met a friend in school who is alive and fun and is dressed in orange and who has a picture of Osho around her neck, and I want you take me to India right away to meet this Osho.

Disha took sannyas.became a friend of Osho.even before her mom.

Over the years, I saw Disha turn into a woman and a friend of mine. in the Path of Love group, she was even my "therapist" . never "the rapist". ever so loving and laughing at and with me. not that I would have minded being raped by her.

When the group was over. and we were no longer therapists or participants, simply friends deep cleaning the group room for the next "game" to begin, I remember a moment that I will always cherish. a moment when 100 friends worked and laughed together as human beings, not human doers. therapy was not happening, cleaning was not happenings. just life, love and laughter erupting in joy.

Giggling, Disha asked me if I would like to staff the next Path of Love group. Instead of saying yes (which I what I later did and loved), I answered that in the moment I didn't have plan. actually I cracked a joke. I said, "Disha, how do you make God laugh?" When she said I don't know, I said, "Tell Him you have a plan."

Disha howled out loud. and corrected me. she said, "Make that Tell HER you have a plan." When I turned 25 years old as a sannyasin, I was now about Disha's body age. I threw a party at the Holiday Inn Hotel in Poona proper, and invited 500 of my best friends. including you. to my birthday bash. As part of the evening's entertainment, I came out of retirement and performed with the Spice Boys rock group one last time. I was known as Old Spice. Then as a surprise special guest, my good friend Abhijat arranged for Disha to serenade me with her sexy, leggy rendition of "I'm your Barbie gal." I nearly creamed in my pants.

For me, sannyas has always been a game of leapfrog. one minute Krishna Prem is hot, the next minute Disha has a moment and leaps over me. Disha is one of my favorite frogs in this, our extended family. I am touched by her love and her longing. and when this little frog said Shit, Disha leaped over me and melted in love and aloneness into existence.

I love you Disha whether you are here or Here. thank you from the bottom of my heart. what a dish. you touched so many hearts. love, kp

from Bibin Sachdev:

Beloved Disha You will forever remain in our hearts even though you have left your body.You have touched so many, your presence is still felt. Deep down my heart i still dont agree you have left. May your divine soul rest in peace..............Bipin

from Rafia:

Beloved friends, I want to take a moment to say thank you for the tremendous outpouring of support and love i have felt from so many of you over the last 2 months since Disha's death. This evidence of our world-wide community and our connectedness has been very inspiring and full of reminders of how blessed we are. I am just out of a 21-day retreat, (which was long overdue anyway)...thank you Disha. I am well, peaceful, enjoying life very much and at the same time recognize that most likely there will always be a place in me where her death will evoke a sense of incomprehensible mystery. Perhaps it is just the mystery that death is, that must remain until it is my time to go through. There are still some tears of missing her but those tears give way to joy and a deep sense of gratitude. I sense Disha spread across Existence and see her reflected in some way whenever i remember to look. I am off today to lead a Path of Love in Italy. Disha is such an important part of the essence of that process that I expect we will go very deep.

....

A Gentle Warrior

How to catch hold of the words that can fairly represent, adequately describe, or give testament enough to Disha?
Benevolent veils of shock have shielded my heart and numbed my brain in such a way that I can only just begin to barely accept her physical death, let alone speak or write of it. Words seem either too loud or too pale to grasp or give meaning to what has happened, and yet I want to take this opportunity to try to give a recognition of her that may speak to those who knew her, as well as to give an impression to those who didn't. She must have been about nine years old the first time she floored me with pure Disha-ness. I was sitting at a table with some new friends in the Vrindavan cafeteria in Pune One when this girl plunked herself down in a chair and held us all captive with her aliveness, humor, joy, uncommon wisdom, and mischievous, commanding presence. I remember thinking, "Without a doubt, this is the most remarkable kid I have ever met." She was so at ease in herself, so innocent, so shockingly open, intelligent, happy, confident, and naughty that we all lit up and became silent like you do when you're touched by something pure and natural - an exotic wild animal or a song from a perfect voice. I remember squirming uncomfortably in her presence that day, exposed as a stiff American doing the loose-hippy, new-sannyasin number. I remember feeling some envy as I wondered what I would be like if I had grown up around Osho; but bottom line, I remember being even more convinced that I had found my way home... She was walking, undeniable evidence of what was possible in Osho's Buddhafield.

The last time I saw her alive was this summer, waving good-bye from a train platform in Italy, softly beaming me with her eternal Deesh-face.the same deep-dark soft eyes and playful swing of her arms.pouring her love and radiating something that always made life brighter and better, that made me appreciate being alive just a bit more than usual. She still awed me, and as the train pulled away I sat and reflected on the profundity of Disha; of the love we shared that had transcended all norms of relationship, and the extreme blessing of having been so close to her for so long. I also thought that although she had in many ways remained the same, that one distinct gray streak in her hair declared a new silence and maturity that gave extra measured depth to her gaze and step. This summer I knew for sure she had truly embraced, and taken her place, as a senior member of our world community. I saw her poised on that cusp, ripened by life, and I pondered what form her gifts were going to take. Between those two separate moments in time, between first meeting her and saying good-bye, I witnessed a continuum of Disha living her magic, living her love, radiating her beauty. I heard her voice sailing high and clear over Buddha Hall as I hear it now in the back of my head - pouring a litany of blessings through the words of her songs. I felt the passion of her commitment and the longing of her heart reach for the stars and touch them. I saw her look into the eyes of countless participants in the Path of Love and give them what they came for - Trust. There was something in the way she moved that exuded a living message that it was fun to be alive.
A kind of liquid enthusiasm that effortlessly combined everything from sex to devotion. Many of us know her squeal of delight at the raunchiest joke and the cry of her voice in deepest prayer. She broke me and healed me in the same moment in ways I am only now beginning to appreciate - broke me with truth, healed me with love.
Her words are my words now:
"How long must I wait, how long will it take?
Please teach me what surrender is."

In her death she has left many of us stunned, bewildered, helpless, and upset. Words like "untimely" and "tragic" try to crowd into conversations. Sentences often begin with "If only." as there certainly was a seemingly tragic convergence of decisions and circumstance that took her swiftly into death. But overall, at least here in Byron Bay, with many of her most beloved friends, there is the sad-softness of missing her that we share in our eyes and touch, and the gift of an extra awareness about each day as the truth of our impermanence awakens us to the preciousness of the moment. There is a gratitude to Disha for her life and for what she has given us in her death that has revealed the "heart as a place of prayer" - where we come together despite the illusions of our small separations. And as we are mostly people with much spiritual orientation there are transcendental beliefs and concepts going around that perhaps are true. I really don't know. We played a quote on the night of her celebration in which Osho said, "Death is the only thing that is not corrupted by man." I like that, and I like the feeling of not knowing, as it leaves me raw, wondrous, and innocent. The one event left in life that we will all share is truly a mystery, and realizing that, I am more awake to the magic and miracle of life that pulses and twinkles even in the most mundane events. What I am sure of though is that she has met whatever death is as she met life: wide open and saying yes. Ma Anand Disha, the natural-born sannyasin consciously felt the pull to Osho at age seven and never looked back. Who can say her death was untimely?

But on this human shore
I have to say
I miss you Disha.
Your love, your warmth,
Your gentle warrior spirit.

Rafia



If any of you feel to add to this page
or have some newer photos than this page and Rupda's page (here)
please feel free to send them over

email me: otoons at yahoo dot com



Photo Gallery 1 of Disha: the moment the life support machine got switched off
click images to view
Photo Gallery 2 of Disha: her death celebration
click images to view

More Disha's Links:

- coroner report after one year of Disha's dearth
- much more updates, photos and friends comments on Disha's
- much more updates and photos of Disha's Death Celebration
- much more updates and photos of Disha's next day Death Celebration
- much more updates and videos of one of Disha's Celebration
- Rafia's open Talk at Celebration
- message board 4 everybody to share
- Disha's question to Osho
- Disha's last song
- Disha' film clips
- Disha's CD: Drowning in Grace
- her article in www.oshoviha.org
- Something 4 Nandan, Disha's mother
- Global happenings
- Disha's death celebration blog
- Bakta & Disha's music site: www.mymastermusic.com
Light & Death ...

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