|A poem from Rupda:
I could not sleep alone last night, so I took a train
to a friends house to sleep on their couch
I lit a candle when I crawled under the covers
I slept next to it
The candle went out at 6:AM with loud crackling
and I awoke to see the last flame disappear
and my heart pounding beneath my breath
I received a call 2 hours later that Disha had
left the body -- roughly 4:PM Australia time.
I can't stop crying...
this is so unreal
tears, tears, tears...
I love you all so deeply
whatever the stories are
at the end of the day...
This circle of friends has
been the biggest support
and biggest love of my life
Our hearts are with you Disha... forever!
Disha always loved circles of sharing's,
so in honor of her, I've set up a forum
and invite you to share something..
from Ganga Raj:
the other day i read oshos's book "be still and know", which includes a section about osho's father's death.
In the introduction it says:
"...september 8th is now Mahaparinirvan Diwas - a celebration in the memory of Swami Devateertha Bharti ( osho's father), Swami Anand Vimalkirti and all the sannyasins who have left their bodies and who will be leaving their bodies."
Disha went september 8th, right? No coincidence....
thanks for the letter and for the information about
Disha, we could follow her journey into death, until she got taken
off the life support machines, from here in Khaknal, and are very
touched, and sad for those who are left behind. We made a chocolate
cake in honour of her departure and listen to her songs and send her
all our love.
She will be missed.
lots of love
Thank - you all for this beautiful site & for keeping us all informed
Dishas sudden departure.
Our beloved Deesh. I feel her so much - Beauty, light, love, so much
passion, joy & spontaneity
Being so far away & still feeling such a depth of pain & loss, it has
so helpful to be connected through emails from friends & with Krish &
rupda's site. It is still just unbelievable that she is no longer with
her body, that we'll no longer see her or hear her laugh & sing. I
seen Disha for 6 years now, but like with so many beloved friends I
like it was just yesterday that we saw each other & laughed together &
melted in a hug.
My heart goes out to all her beloveds everywhere & especially Bakta &
& friends that were in her day to day life, & ofcourse Rafia & on & on
So much saddness - such a loss for us.
Thanks Rafia for such a beautiful opening for Dishas celebration.
What to do but feel it & know how precious life is & be here now, U
know what the next minutes bring.
It saddens me to tears so often this past week & with the tears &
of fun & dances & parties & sharing & laughter I had with Deesh....I
let her go & know that where she is is brighter with her presence.
I found a delicious smelling chocolate candle & I light it for her to
her off & celebrate her beauty, her joy, her life.
I send my prayers out,
fly high deesh, fly high ...
in love & light,
we had a
spontanious celebration here in boulder last night
with a few friends.... in the middle, part of the
flower decorations collapsed and many felt she was
saying goodbye. It was a joy to sing and feel the
oneness of all and the presence of osho around .
of love ... Anu
i am so utterly sad. we had a
here in boulder last night and i felt i was not a very good sanyassin .
cannot stop crying .... love samhitta
Thank you for your mails, we had already decided to sing Magnificence on the
Singing Buddhas meeting Friday night before we got the news about Disha.
kept singing it the whole day, she will always be the one for me when it
comes to that song.
Shantidharma is still here, we will go North from Sunday on.
Maybe there will be a caravan of singing soon.
It makes one feeling
as part of a big, open family,
if I die one day,
please don't let anybody
ask "Why- why- why ?"
Otherwise I'll have to come back
just to say "WHY NOT ?"
for the pix,
better keep it with me.
Se conosci l'amore & l'amicizia
che c'e stata tra noi,
puoi facilmente immaginare,
che tipo di foto ho privilegiato !
Inclusa una stupenda sequenza al fiume
In June Disha visited me in Munich. Days after that my house stayed full of light und bliss. I knew Disha for many years. Very often we spoke about children. "I" have a little sun, Max, which is nine years old. He knew Disha. He spent his first two weeks of his life at our place in Pune. Disha loved him and over the years she always asked me about Max. It was her wish to have a little Buddha too. Yesterday I told Max what happened to Disha. He said, well I do know about snakes in Australia. They are dangerous. But Disha is not dead. I agree with him. "My" kid is also Disha's son. He is born in a spirit which belongs to all of us. For ever and ever. So all I can say to You, Disha: Hello, see you, and I love you.
Swami Anand Adheesh
Caro Krishna ho saputo da poche ore che Disha ha lasciato il
corpo.........................Che dire piango e non riesco ad
immaginare che una bellissima ragazza come lei sia andata secondo me
così prematuramente via.
Dovrebbe essere in BARDO ora per cui se tanti di noi che la abbiamo
amata le mandiamo luce ed amore MA SOPRATTUTTO LUCE BIANCA COL VOLTO
DI OSHO può aiutarla a passare il tunnel del Maya. Se puoi e lo senti
potresti mettere questo messaggio nel tuo sito che è molto letto dagli
Inoltre sarebbe importante capire se è morta per la emorraggia o per il
morso del serpente........
morta per emorraggia dovuta ad una gravidanza ectopica nelle tube. Ed
alla prima visita in ospedale le hanno somministrato solo dei
painkiller senza fare ecografie o altri test e la hanno rimandato a
casa. Il serpente non c'entra niente ed era successo molto tempo prima.
Ieri sono stato tutto il giorno sotto schock sai che quando stavo con
Nandan lei era per me come una figlioletta. Mi sembra una morte
prematura era così piena di vita e gioia........ma l'esistenza è molto
più vasta di noi e possiamo solo accettare che la nostra amica non ha
più il corpo. Ci mancherà a tutti noi vecchi amici di un tempo.
TANTO AMORE CARO KRISHNA E TIENICI INFORMATI LOVE AZIMA
PS: è appena arrivata la notizia che a Miasto si terrà una
celebrazione per Disha questa domenica - Azima
I just heard about Disha. Dhyanesh emailed me.
I am shocked and saddened by this completely unexpected news.
I have known and loved Disha since she was tiny.
I had a special Disha place in my heart.
The planet will be a little less beautiful by her passing.
Reading through Nishanto's story of her last time with Deesha's body, I am deeply touched.
Deesha was a rare and lovely human being and this world will be a little less beautiful without her living presence.
I am remembering when we went to the West End Cinema together.
She was about 9, the same age as my own daughter in England
. After that, as the years flew past, I was a spectator in her life as she grew and matured.
In the first years of Rajneeshpuram, at 11 years old, she and English Vimal were the most brilliant toolshop team.
It was largely due to their efforts that FAWK happened so beautifully.
She was, and is, wonderful.
Wherever she has landed... that place will be made brighter by her presence.
thank you for helping us (with your site and messages) to be together
this very sad time.
Our Disha was the most loved and cherished of all the people I know and
shared so much joy and love with us all. It is very sad and almost
impossible to believe that she has gone.
love to you, Shunyo
Sooo Sad this happened to
I loved her very much and will miss her.
to live are life with totallity and not let ar fear
and shame run it.
So Krish love you and take care!!!
from Bikku and Vaduda:
thank you so much for the work you have done with
setting up the web info for Disha.
New Earth has put up Disha's song 'How long' from the CD' Sutras of the
Heart' as free download on our website this morning: enter
We all miss her so much.
Disha your death feels so unreal to me.
Since the first time I saw you in Leonardo da Vinci I was fascinated from your beauty, fluidity, joy, aliveness, sense of humour, natural way of being, innocents, intelligence and strength.
You are present in my heart and I thank you for having met you.
Nish called me today saying that in Disha's will she asked that I paint her coffin. As I am in India and can't be there to do it, I am sending some digital art I did for her on the day she died, to be included in the communal coffin decoration. Krish, can you please forward it to Rupda's site for Disha. Priya asked for the picture of the three of us.
Ash and I are totally there with everyone in spirit.
So much love - Garimo
ciao krishna, sono a poona da due giorni e sono
sotto schoc, ieri mattina con mutribo e altra gente
che e qui a aut of africa ... ci siamo seduti per un po
in silenzio per dare energia a disha.
sento un po fragile ... ma sono positivo ... quello che
succede non e nelle nostre mani ... anche se e dura da
accettare ... questa storia di disha a toccato nel profondo molti
di noi, un abraccio forte a meera
from Chid & Jyoti:
For Disha: it is difficult to immagine that Disha left her body....really this terrible news broke our hearts....we knew her from wen she was a tiny....We close our eyes... she still singing in the buddha hall.... Were ever you are now, sweet Disha, thank you.
Chid & Jyoti
Thank you for your sharings about Disha ...
her name came 3 times to me the last days, so
Sammasati...and its people....
now i know "why"
i knew her briefly, but Premraj i knew, felt much love
AY, Krishna...this *eternal dance of *Oceanic Love...!
and all we shared then?
please send my Love on to Bhakta and all friends who
loved her so dearly!
OSHO'S words to us ...
"It is a great opportunity:
the planet, existence, has been so generous,
so kind ,so loving, so accepting,
that it has welcomed you to be here
Leave your mark!
you may be gone , but your laughter can remain
you may be gone, but your dance can remain behind
You may be gone, but the way you *lived ,will go on
creating its own vibrations
the people of the future will be reminded,
that they are inheritors of a great planet
and of a great race of human beings"
well Disha left her mark!
when i read all letters
so will you
so will we
so let it go
~~~ on ...and on ....and on....~~~
this sweet , sweet song!
Love to you all,
A lot of love remembering you
a lot of sadness not seeing you
a lot of hope lissening you
a lot of joy thinking of you
a lot of ...
Such an earthquake ......
For some reason, you simply felt immortal to me. I don't know you intimately, and still i feel you were so fully part of my representation of the world. This world is not the same anymore.
"Ce que le papillon nomme la Mort, le Maître l'appelle Papillon"... (What the ...(? don't know the name in english) names Death, the Master calls it Butterfly).
So! Fly high, beautifull. And thank you for spreading so much light around the world, so much love to so many people.
Beloved Disha, words seem so trivial now. It was only a moment, less than a minute, when we met once and I felt the deep embrace of your loving eyes and then the delicious drowning and unquestioned surrender. I am so deeply grateful.
I love you Disha Thank you for being. Well all see you soon, but in the meantime, dance with more joy, live with more light and love even deeper to fill up the space you left behind. Ruchira
Just arrived back in Japan and got the news.Beloved Disha...light,beauty and the deepest purity,wisdom beyond your years.You were and are the mirror of vast love and goodness realised.You are in our hearts forever. Tom
Beloved Disha, Best Wishes and travel well. Thought of you lots in the last weeks, and wrote a story of a moment we shared long ago/yesterday. Now, to share a moment with you, without you. I Love You, nityanando
Disha - sweet, free spirit...releasing your essence into space...touching the Dishaplace inside of me...what a richness of living and dying...thank you from the deep of my heart. Mahana
Love and Light
Disha... you packed so much into such a short life... While youre there try and pester Osho into coming back with you... Youre essence has brought us all closer & with your passing made me realize how much were all still so connected. Love...Pashu
from Jivan Saahas:
beautifull disha,your fragerence will always be here,your light shines so bright still...love saahas
from Roxy and Purvesh:
Our beloved Dish
From all over the world... we hold hands to be with you.
We love you.
You make us feel soooo good.
You live in our hearts forever.
for Disha...I cannot believe that so much beauty has left this shore...you are truly a beloved and blessed one.....my heart with you...
Beloved Dish, thank you for the beautiful moments we shared ....you are in my heart
Really struck by the news. Such a playfull, beautifull and loving presence to be around. Your love and laughter will shine in us forever... May the ligth we share spread its wings.. and fly high
All my love ... Charna
To all of Disha´s beloved friends in AUstralia
I thank you for letting me know about her passing. She is such a
beautiful soft and gentle SOUL - itis hard to believe...
I will light a candle and send my prayers to her and you all
I am in SPain right now
With much love -
from Maui, Hawaii
Beloved sweet Disha
I did not know I had so many tears left inside me.
They just keep coming whenever I listen to your song, whenever I look at your pictures.
They are not tears of sadness. It's the radiant beauty of your soul and of your heart that showers upon me. It's the love and oneness I feel with all those precious beings from the sangha of early days I often miss so much. It's the same tears that rolled down my face last time when Amrito read 'The Prophet' for us in Buddha hall so many years ago.
And I look at the picture of you and Osho and I know that you are in the light now, as you were in the light always.
You will be in my heart forever.
Thank you Krishna
for sending this to me.
I am speechless. How fast it can go, oh my God.
I have Bhakta and Nandan and everyone who is heartbrokenly letting go
of her, in my heart and wish them all the strength this takes.
Meera told me you had an accident in India. I wish you all the best
for your recovery.
My love to you, Sara
Disha .... beloved beautiful soul,
our lifes, how you wrote once, crosseds few times in mysterious ways,
strongly and intensely ...I feel an immense loss in this earth, I feel
an immense loss in my heart. All my gratefulness, all my deepest love
to you wild delicate flower...and can all this sweet strong energy of
yours beloveds, taking you with care in this new journey and touching
the all earth helping and healing Bhakta, Nandan, Rafia.
from Milena (Utkantha):
Dear Krishna, thank you and Rupda for all the work and devotion you put in, in the memory of Disha.
Here in Amsterdam we will have a celebration tonight ( Wednesday 14.Sep) for her.
Dear Disha is already singing with the angels above, I pray everyone close to her in particular Nandan, Bhakta and Rafia find the strength to sing with her.
Her song ' How long' as been playing non stop on my laptop, reminding me of her sweet example of true surrender.
I thank Waduda and Bikkhu for making the song available to everybody.
Dearest Disha... Dish thanks for giving me courage to walk this pathless path! I feel honored to have been touched by your radiant and compassionate heart. You were a gift to this planet and for me an arrow pointing to the nameless truth. Even your death is a reminder of how precious this moment is. I am deeply touched to hear of Disha's sudden departure and find myself silently dancing tears of gratitude. Dish, I celebrate your humanity, your totality and beauty...You will always be an inspiration.
In love Salila
PS Once again... You have opened my heart... Thank you!
Il superfluo se ne va.
L'essenziale non è visibile agli occhi.
Thanks for letting me know. Your page and that of Rupta are a beautiful way for us to cope with the pain.
In this way I would like to send lots of love to Bhakta.
My last memory of Disha was singing in Heart Dance with her a few years ago in Buddha Hall. I wish her many more songs and dances with fragrant silence in between.
Love love love from Punya
Singing for you Disha,
in front of 150 people in the big hall of Osho The Festival of Varazze,
was like letting my grief fly
and dissolve in your love and beauty
Thank you so much for your Being.
disha you magnificent being...gratefulness for all the inspiration you are giving us...my heart is vibrating and feeling your love that has espread all over this planet earth and much more...reaching with you to eternity...tears of celebration....special moments full of love... all pouring to humanity.....sooo much love to you...always in my heart...i bow down to you and existence......devamani.
Thank you for your shining presence, your generosity of spirit, your joy and compassion, and for your loving heart.
In letting go of you a part of me also dies...
Thank you beloved one
Few photos of Disha's death celebration
- Disha's Celebration
- Open Talk at Celebration
from Ma Prem Seemo & Swami Bodhi Tarpan:
We just got the news about Disha's passing here in Florida where I have been living for the last five years. It was beautiful to see her photos and read all the wonderful messages from friends all over the world. Many thanks for creating the site and thanks to all for their the wonderful aknowledgements of her and her exquisit presence in our lives. A flower of a being she touched us in her ever graceful, loving and oh so sweet way.
Our love to Bhakta and Nandan.
Ma Prem Seemo & Swami Bodhi Tarpan
My heart still soft and swollen for you, Disha,
small, gentle and corageus woman, the new-woman,
you teached so much to all of us girls,
I'm so greatefull to existence I could walked with you a few days. Your poetry and passion have been one of my highest inspirations, thank you also for the book of Mataji, wich is always on my night table.
I have had three utopical pregnancy, my mind doesn't understand ...
Thank you, Barkha
In tears of love;
to Disha, Nandan, Bhakta, Krishna, Rafia and all friends.
In this world the only real is love,
The rest is either bullshit or holy cow-dung.
Disha reminded us of this,
In her life and now in her death.
So much love flowing freely between us,
The whole global or rather intergalactic tribe that got touched, soaked
drowned in Osho's grace.
Let us remember:
There is only one Love, one Heart,
This is our true connection,
This is our True Self.
Thank you Disha,
You are a true devotee.
what a beautiful wave of love all around the world you have triggered!
Your life as well as your departure have been a gift to all of us. I
see your song coming true: "....we are all worth of leaving in
Dish, you are a babe of a saint!
In Love -
I did not know of Disha`s passing and it has moved me deeply. We were friends on the ranch and have not seen her since, but I feel a deep loss for all of us and am grateful for that beautiful glimpse of her light and joy.
Thanks for the updates of Dishas'celebration beautiful
we had a small celebration in Amsterdam and she is
inside all of us now .... take care with the tenous thread we have
linking us to this realm.
I will never forget the fun and playful joy of singing in Hollywood Superstar with you in Pune. It seems so unnatural when our young and beautiful children leave their bodies before we do. You are so well loved and you touched the lives of so many. You spread a much longer lifetime's share of love and light on this planet. Fly high beautiful beloved. Pave the way for us in the next life as you have done in this one.
Aloha, Mahalo and Love--Roshani
I am so sorry for our loss. I remember her vaguely as one of the kids,
but had no personal experiences with Disha that I can recall...still,
when one of our family moves into infinity as we all shall, and we
witness the loving fairwells that our tribe invokes, we are moved and
exhaulted by the spontaneious expression of grief and celebration.
Though our hearts are torn as one and then another melts into the
abyss, we can create the consciousness that we will all be together
again with him in time and space to silently go deeper - celebrate with
wilder abandon and love each other more fiercely...we can create this
samsara dance together through-out eternity until finally, we silently,
explode into one.
Your art, as usual, manifests what my heart cannot voice, it is amazing
in it's passion and light, depth and release.
Thank you again and again and again for being.
from Ma Anand Surbala (Music Dept-Osho Resort Poona):
Beloveds,today the Heart Dance was dedicated to Disha.We sang with all our hearts and the energy was so soft,deep and playful at the same time.I have never experienced such a depth shared with only a few people who are here ...
it culminated in the ending song"Yemaya Assessu" ...
Disha sang through us..
Lots of LOVE to all - Ma Anand Surbala (Music Dept-Osho Resort Poona)
from Madita and Magno:
Thank you, Disha, for visiting our beautiful planet,
Thank you for visiting India,
Thank you for visiting our Master's garden,
Thank you for a few precious joyful moments,
Thank you for giving us your sweet smile,
Thank you for singing for us with your lovely voice,
Good bye, Disha, you have gone to where you came from.
Madita and Magno
Sensing the Light
The dust is thick
over our eyes.
In our cities, even floodwaters
cannot help us to see more clearly.
We rinse ourselves of the debris of our
derelict hopes and dreams
only to return to rebuild them --
Tables with 3 legs,
Pockets with private holes,
Weddings without women,
Classrooms empty with lost children.
We hang on the edge of a bomb crater
looking down at our lives crossing each other
below sea level.
If Satyadharma was sailing tonight
I would gather the stranded onboard
and open the keg.
Then I would light the ships lamps
and put out further, dancing and singing
watching for you.
On the tides of this sea
only the drowning, or the floating
know where the sky is.
Deep below, with eyes closed
resting by my candle of Illumination
I sail where the Silence leads,
all the while
sensing the Light.
*** copyright Satyadharma 2005
you're my first email.
i saw your face a few days ago when i was staring into the deep night
.........the buddhafield is alight!
man, i heard about what you did
superduper! otoons rocks!
i just found this, she wrote & sang this on the 7-8-2005
maybe you wanna put it on your website with all, all my love.
love - Bhakta
Disha's last song here
from Krishna Prem:
"Death is the greatest fiction" - Osho
A friend of mine named Disha just left her body suddenly at the age of 36. The first word out of this great meditator's mind was "SHIT".
Death looks ugly to you because you have never known life, and death creates fear in you because you are afraid of life.
Remember, whatsoever your attitude towards life, your attitude towards death will be the same. If you are scared of death you are scared of life; if you love life, you will love death, because death is nothing but the highest peak, the completion. The song reaches its end, the river falls into the ocean. The river came from the ocean in the first place. Now the circle is complete, the river has arrived at the whole.
Its simply not easy writing a light hearted newsletter whose motto is to "be a joke unto yourself" when a young friend dies.yes maybe I laugh out loud in life's face, but death simply just doesn't turn me on. What did turn me on was the fragrance that was somehow released when Disha left her body. It was exquisite and full of abundant love. All over the planet Disha's friends connected and cried and celebrated together. Her death took us all deeper into our own lives.
Something from her will, which was read by Rafia at her death celebration helped me to breathe again, "In case of my death I wish my body to be cremated with a joyous gathering of my friends. with lots of music, creativity and meditation. Bhakta can choose the music I love and if there is time and friends around, I like the idea of my casket being painted by all my friends. Spend money from my bank account to make it a yummy, abundant and aesthetic party."
Death becomes the ultimate celebration if your life is a celebration
I first met Disha as an eight year old little girl, full of love and unawareness, in Poona. Disha had met another little girl in the first day of public school in Germany. and as the story goes, when her mother Nandan asked her what she learned in school today, Disha said, I met a friend in school who is alive and fun and is dressed in orange and who has a picture of Osho around her neck, and I want you take me to India right away to meet this Osho.
Disha took sannyas.became a friend of Osho.even before her mom.
Over the years, I saw Disha turn into a woman and a friend of mine. in the Path of Love group, she was even my "therapist" . never "the rapist". ever so loving and laughing at and with me. not that I would have minded being raped by her.
When the group was over. and we were no longer therapists or participants, simply friends deep cleaning the group room for the next "game" to begin, I remember a moment that I will always cherish. a moment when 100 friends worked and laughed together as human beings, not human doers. therapy was not happening, cleaning was not happenings. just life, love and laughter erupting in joy.
Giggling, Disha asked me if I would like to staff the next Path of Love group. Instead of saying yes (which I what I later did and loved), I answered that in the moment I didn't have plan. actually I cracked a joke. I said, "Disha, how do you make God laugh?" When she said I don't know, I said, "Tell Him you have a plan."
Disha howled out loud. and corrected me. she said, "Make that Tell HER you have a plan."
When I turned 25 years old as a sannyasin, I was now about Disha's body age. I threw a party at the Holiday Inn Hotel in Poona proper, and invited 500 of my best friends. including you. to my birthday bash. As part of the evening's entertainment, I came out of retirement and performed with the Spice Boys rock group one last time. I was known as Old Spice. Then as a surprise special guest, my good friend Abhijat arranged for Disha to serenade me with her sexy, leggy rendition of "I'm your Barbie gal." I nearly creamed in my pants.
For me, sannyas has always been a game of leapfrog. one minute Krishna Prem is hot, the next minute Disha has a moment and leaps over me. Disha is one of my favorite frogs in this, our extended family. I am touched by her love and her longing. and when this little frog said Shit, Disha leaped over me and melted in love and aloneness into existence.
I love you Disha whether you are here or Here. thank you from the bottom of my heart. what a dish. you touched so many hearts. love, kp
from Bibin Sachdev:
You will forever remain in our hearts even though you have left your body.You have touched so many, your presence is still felt. Deep down my heart i still dont agree you have left. May your divine soul rest in peace..............Bipin
I want to take a moment to say thank you for the tremendous outpouring of support and love i have felt from so many of you over the last 2 months since Disha's death. This evidence of our world-wide community and our connectedness has been very inspiring and full of reminders of how blessed we are.
I am just out of a 21-day retreat, (which was long overdue anyway)...thank you Disha. I am well, peaceful, enjoying life very much and at the same time recognize that most likely there will always be a place in me where her death will evoke a sense of incomprehensible mystery. Perhaps it is just the mystery that death is, that must remain until it is my time to go through. There are still some tears of missing her but those tears give way to joy and a deep sense of gratitude. I sense Disha spread across Existence and see her reflected in some way whenever i remember to look.
I am off today to lead a Path of Love in Italy. Disha is such an important part of the essence of that process that I expect we will go very deep.
A Gentle Warrior
How to catch hold of the words that can fairly represent, adequately describe, or give testament enough to Disha?
Benevolent veils of shock have shielded my heart and numbed my brain in such a way that I can only just begin to barely accept her physical death, let alone speak or write of it. Words seem either too loud or too pale to grasp or give meaning to what has happened, and yet I want to take this opportunity to try to give a recognition of her that may speak to those who knew her, as well as to give an impression to those who didn't.
She must have been about nine years old the first time she floored me with pure Disha-ness. I was sitting at a table with some new friends in the Vrindavan cafeteria in Pune One when this girl plunked herself down in a chair and held us all captive with her aliveness, humor, joy, uncommon wisdom, and mischievous, commanding presence. I remember thinking, "Without a doubt, this is the most remarkable kid I have ever met." She was so at ease in herself, so innocent, so shockingly open, intelligent, happy, confident, and naughty that we all lit up and became silent like you do when you're touched by something pure and natural - an exotic wild animal or a song from a perfect voice. I remember squirming uncomfortably in her presence that day, exposed as a stiff American doing the loose-hippy, new-sannyasin number. I remember feeling some envy as I wondered what I would be like if I had grown up around Osho; but bottom line, I remember being even more convinced that I had found my way home... She was walking, undeniable evidence of what was possible in Osho's Buddhafield.
The last time I saw her alive was this summer, waving good-bye from a train platform in Italy, softly beaming me with her eternal Deesh-face.the same deep-dark soft eyes and playful swing of her arms.pouring her love and radiating something that always made life brighter and better, that made me appreciate being alive just a bit more than usual. She still awed me, and as the train pulled away I sat and reflected on the profundity of Disha; of the love we shared that had transcended all norms of relationship, and the extreme blessing of having been so close to her for so long. I also thought that although she had in many ways remained the same, that one distinct gray streak in her hair declared a new silence and maturity that gave extra measured depth to her gaze and step. This summer I knew for sure she had truly embraced, and taken her place, as a senior member of our world community. I saw her poised on that cusp, ripened by life, and I pondered what form her gifts were going to take.
Between those two separate moments in time, between first meeting her and saying good-bye, I witnessed a continuum of Disha living her magic, living her love, radiating her beauty. I heard her voice sailing high and clear over Buddha Hall as I hear it now in the back of my head - pouring a litany of blessings through the words of her songs. I felt the passion of her commitment and the longing of her heart reach for the stars and touch them. I saw her look into the eyes of countless participants in the Path of Love and give them what they came for - Trust.
There was something in the way she moved that exuded a living message that it was fun to be alive.
A kind of liquid enthusiasm that effortlessly combined everything from sex to devotion. Many of us know her squeal of delight at the raunchiest joke and the cry of her voice in deepest prayer.
She broke me and healed me in the same moment in ways I am only now beginning to appreciate - broke me with truth, healed me with love.
Her words are my words now:
"How long must I wait, how long will it take?
Please teach me what surrender is."
In her death she has left many of us stunned, bewildered, helpless, and upset. Words like "untimely" and "tragic" try to crowd into conversations. Sentences often begin with "If only." as there certainly was a seemingly tragic convergence of decisions and circumstance that took her swiftly into death.
But overall, at least here in Byron Bay, with many of her most beloved friends, there is the sad-softness of missing her that we share in our eyes and touch, and the gift of an extra awareness about each day as the truth of our impermanence awakens us to the preciousness of the moment. There is a gratitude to Disha for her life and for what she has given us in her death that has revealed the "heart as a place of prayer" - where we come together despite the illusions of our small separations.
And as we are mostly people with much spiritual orientation there are transcendental beliefs and concepts going around that perhaps are true. I really don't know. We played a quote on the night of her celebration in which Osho said, "Death is the only thing that is not corrupted by man." I like that, and I like the feeling of not knowing, as it leaves me raw, wondrous, and innocent. The one event left in life that we will all share is truly a mystery, and realizing that, I am more awake to the magic and miracle of life that pulses and twinkles even in the most mundane events. What I am sure of though is that she has met whatever death is as she met life: wide open and saying yes.
Ma Anand Disha, the natural-born sannyasin consciously felt the pull to Osho at age seven and never looked back. Who can say her death was untimely?
But on this human shore
I have to say
I miss you Disha.
Your love, your warmth,
Your gentle warrior spirit.
If any of you feel to add to this page
or have some newer photos than this page and Rupda's page (here)
feel free to send them over
email me: otoons at yahoo dot com
Photo Gallery 1 of Disha: the moment the life support machine got switched off
click images to view
Photo Gallery 2 of Disha: her death celebration
click images to view
More Disha's Links:
- coroner report after one year of Disha's dearth
- much more updates, photos and friends comments on Disha's
- much more updates and photos of Disha's Death Celebration
- much more updates and photos of Disha's next day Death Celebration
- much more updates and videos of one of Disha's Celebration
- Rafia's open Talk at Celebration
- message board 4 everybody to share
- Disha's question to Osho
- Disha's last song
- Disha' film clips
- Disha's CD: Drowning in Grace
- her article in www.oshoviha.org
- Something 4 Nandan, Disha's mother
- Global happenings
- Disha's death celebration blog
- Bakta & Disha's music site: www.mymastermusic.com
Light & Death ...