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A transcript of the new answering service recently installed
at the Booking Office of the the Osho Multiversity Plaza around the world


Hello, and welcome to the Booking Office of the Osho Multiversity hotline where you can find All the best therapy groups and meditation groups avalable on the market to day.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.

Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mothership.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no-one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep.

Or after the beep.
Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem.

Please hang up.
All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
For help with recovering repressed memories, press the number seems most right to you, perhaps 8.
But don't press 8 just because we suggested you press 8.
Just let your inner knowledge tell you if 8 is the right number to press now.
If you are neurotic, it doesn't matter which button you press as you'll just get it wrong anyway.

Besides we only use this system because we don't want to talk to you personally.
For hypnotherapy, slowly ......press 9 , ..............8 , ................7 , ..............6 , ..............relaxing more .......and more .......with each number ..........5 , .............4 , ..........doing very well , ..........3, ...........2 , ..........."



courtesy Sw. Dhiren




Osho Comics & Cartoons


Osho Comics & Cartoons

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