suffer from fake enlightenment? A delusional complex some call 'being touched
by divine light', 'knowing God' or 'being in harmony with my crown chakra?' If
you do, you aren't alone. Most pretty, young, clueless actor types in large
Metropolitan cities will contract this disease. And most end up getting poked
by their chauvinistic yoga teachers who, interestingly, seem to suffer from a
similar disease. The most dangerous effects of long term fake enlightenment are
(in no particular order) an eventual boring commune life, lifelong lameness,
Veganism, children, obsessive church-going and/or therapy.
are 10 warning signs YOU should look out for:
are mentally ill: A chemical imbalance in the brain does not constitute
enlightenment. (Although you hear voices and think about strange
do lots and lots of Eastern based exercise: Yoga, Tai Chi, etc. (If God had
meant for your nose to get that close to your ass...well...you just make me
are easily hypnotized: You are getting sleepy.
a person speaks to you, your eyes glaze over and only become animated again
when it is your turn to talk.
"get it": Sure, sure. There's no other self-help book reading,
vegetarian, Tiva wearing, long hair who's been doing Kundalini for a month that
'gets it' quite like you, is there?
have lost all sense of humor.
People giggle behind your back and have given you the nickname 'Squeaky
are physically attractive: Pretty people can never truly be enlightened. Jesus
sez the meek shall inherit the earth - and by meek He meant 'the ugly' or 'the
homely' - a proven fact, given that historians now know Jesus was hardly better
looking than any old poodle's flaky gray ass.
books you read fall into any/all of these categories: health, self-help and
theology. OR You only read pamphlets.
10. Its o.k. to
do hurtful things to others because, "everything I do and everything that
happens to me is my Divine destiny." (See Justified Selfishness below and
Mental Illness above)
Now you can test your