BHAVAN JUST LEFT HIS BODY ...
| Dear Friends,
Bhanavn has left his body on November 9, 2009.
There will be a cremation ceremony held on November 14, 2009 at 11:00.
It will be held at this address:
De niewe Ooster
Following the ceremony there will be a celebraion at Bhavans apartment.
It will be held at this address:
Admiral de Ruiterweg 39- (2nd floor)
All are welcome
Swami Deva Bhavan 1947-2009
Bhavan was diagnosed with an aggressive form of bone cancer early this year, and finally left his body in November 9. Knowing that he had very little time to live did nothing to his humour, his great strength and his ability to party. He loved good food and drink, and always saw to it that his visitors were well served, often with Lagavullin or a similar top single malt scotch! He loved to hold court and to entertain and could be a fascinating host.
Known as 'the Colonel' and sometimes 'Bhavers' to his friends, Bhavan was born to a military family in Pakistan and had himself seen military service in Oman. He took sannyas in 1977 and had often lived around the different communities around Osho without losing his unusually independent character. He was particularly touched to receive so much love and care, especially from the wonderfully dedicated group of friends around him in Amsterdam-as it became known that we was very ill, and he was getting more and more visitors, he even organized an apartment for them to stay.
Full of fascinating stories and a finely tuned insight, he was a great friend and-despite his reputation for being a bit gruff-was a tender and caring man right up to the end. He made himself busy bequeathing his various possessions and calmly making his arrangements, even ensuring the happy future of Oich, his jack russel terrier! It became necessary to move him to a hospice for the last few days where he died peacefully, in the presence of two beautiful women friends, something he might well have stage-managed himself! He was much loved and is much missed.
Swami Anand Dhiren
Bavan left the body around 8 pm last night,
l hope so anyway as its getting cremated on Saturday, the last week was very painful for him on a physical level, the last months were also very painful, but probably seemed less so because of his capacity to endure pain and somehow still create a humorous attitude in the midst of it all, also at times he could be a grouchy old cantankerous bastard, but a dear friend with ups and downs over the past 15 years all the same.
During the final hours the pain, seemed to me, to take on a different flavor than the previous weeks. This struck me as the kind of pain one might have if someone was being beaten continuously with a stick - or having a red hot knife held on to the skin. It changed in the respect of, from my perspective, into something more like - if l could put it in a picture, like a 4 year old child a little scared or uncertain, maybe a little lost. And all of the energy and breathing was in the chest area and very fast - a bit like someone running. I felt it was a lot to do with emotional aspects, anyway it felt good and appropriate.
Somehow, this feeling / thought? Came up, that maybe all of the armor and tools that we adopt through choice or circumstance, to deal with the things we are led to believe we are meant to deal with, during our visit on this planet, get stripped away. It can be quite seemingly painful, and the purpose of which is, to prepare us to leave as we came - naked, but that's my take on the situation. Which also in some ways might be to give some sort of positive resolution on my part to this 8 month journey I have been on with him, as a support and friend as much as l could be, or it might be true.
Friends turned up to be with his body this evening, we lit loads of candles in the room and it was whatever it was for whoever was there, I felt sad, but glad the suffering of the body was over.
I left at 7pm to go and have dinner an hour before he passed away, and for some reason started talking to him, even though he was in a coma, he had said some weeks ago he was worried about going into a coma and being in a situation where he could hear everything going on around him and be in a situation to not be able to communicate.
So l reminded him about that.
up till then on the final day l was afraid to talk to him verbally in case l would wake him up and he would be confronted with the pain again.
I said , Bavan, if you can hear me, wiggle your little finger, which he didn't, even so, l expressed my gratitude for his friendship even the times he was being a right twat, and for allowing me to be his friend during the times when l was being a right twat, and said so many people love you and are there for you, none of this he could probably hear, but it felt good anyway, then l said, in a whispery voice of course, l am going to go now , l will be back in a couple of hours, don't die ill l get back, which he did, which brought a smirk to my face, but also if you do go l wish you a good journey and if you are around in some other way when l die, leave the body ,anything you can do to help me through the gate, if there is such a thing would be greatly appreciated. An hour later Deshana sent a text to say he had gone. So l am glad l said my final farewell
From a medical perspective.
The hospice put him on palliative sedation, which is a thing they do when all other forms of pain management don't work anymore, by Dutch law they can do this if the person is deemed to have no more time left than 2 weeks left on the planet,
They put him in that process on Saturday, which then puts you in a coma and you don't wake up, Bavan did the next morning, like he would, so then the message was when you wake up from that and then they continue doing it, normally one doesn't live for much more than 12 hours, but don't quote me on that ,
I am sure the precise medicals details will come out in time, through people who have a better understanding of it, there were so many medical aspects flying around since he went in to the hospice. So anyway I just wanted to share a perspective of it in my own way to friends who it might mean anything to, and who's paths have crossed Bavans,
. It isn't exactly a literary masterpiece, just something that came out how it came out
He was very touched by the amount of love interest and empathy his situation aroused.
The cremation and party? Wake? Is on Saturday, 11 am. Write if you are coming.
All are welcome.
Ps, sorry if all this seems more about me than bavan, its just the way it came out ...
Bhavan last email:
I want to take this last opportunity to thank you all so very much for all the love and all the care you have showen me over the last few months of great pain and suffering that I have been thru
this has been the greatest pain and suffering I have ever ever gone thru in my life
i cannot explain for a moment how dreadful it has been
I did not know that anything could ever hurt so much
and your support in some of the worse of time has helped so much
and still now as the end is coming it hurts still so much
Thank you thank you thank you
I dont think I can say anything more but goodbye and thank you for all your help and now as the time comes to leave all there is to say is thank you and goodbye
I love you all so much
for just being there and I love you all just for that
goodbye, goodbye with all my Love, all my Love
My Dear Friends,
About a month ago I learned that I have cancer. Today They gave me a first prognosis which is that I have months rather than years left living - whatever treatment they put me through. Whether this is the last word on it or not we do not for the moment know. It was not surprising news to me as I was very aware of the speed and rapid increase of the pain I was going through. The dying part of it holds no fears for me though the journey from here to there does give me concerns regarding pain. I am sure the medics will have that taken care of, I just hope I don't have to spend too much time gouched out. In myself I have never felt better and the only sadness that I feel for myself is that I am unlikely to enjoy the full lifespan of my last years birthday present from my friends here in Amsterdam, my Oh So beloved Oitch the Jack Russell puppy.
I do feel very sad when that thought passes across my mind.
There is not much else to say at this point except that if the thought of me 'popping my clogs' causes you sadness
then I feel very touched by that.
Big big love to you all.
Dhiren, Bhavan, Sahaas ....
|My dear friends,
I was overwhelmed by your responses to my letter about this cancer. Such a wave of love from all of you. Many of your letters made me cry or laugh or do both at the same moment. Thank you all so much. The response of my friends here has been, also overwhelming. They have all said ring me if you need something. So far I have not needed to ring anyone as they are in my house doing what needs to be done before I have realised that I need something to be done. Thank you. It has all been so wonderful that I am thinking this dying lark is pretty good and I should do it again sometime!
Update....Since my last round robin the news is not so different in essence.
I am being told that I should have Six months, an outside chance of twelve and a highly optomistic eighteen months. At the same time they say they are very bad at predictions. But for me this is good news as it allows me to look forward to enough time to sort out my affairs before any clog popping happens.
The doctors have not been able to find The primary tumour, though they have been able to narrow it down to the upper abdominal area. They have offered me chemo therapy, which should knock out the primary tumour, and push back, a little, the secondary cancer attack on my bones. This will not stop the bone attack but should reduce the pain and restore, for a time, some mobility and give me more time.
The attack on the bones is in three places. The first Lumbar vertabra. This has afected the nerves going to the muscles in my left thigh and left some of those muscles in what feels like a permanent state of cramp (painful). In the pelvis, left side sitting down bone, here the cancer has caused the bone to become brittle and a crack to occur there. This is both painfull and awkward as it makes siting in any position automatically painful. They hope the chemo plus some other medication will help the crack to heal. There is also an attack on one of my left side ribs which is becoming more painful.
I am trying also an alternative kind of therapy involving magnets and elctromagnetic fields all in a sort of steam room. The fellow assures me that he will cure me. At the moment for various reasons, such as friends coming to visit etc. over the next month, I have decided to delay for a month (unless changes in pain levels make me rethink) the chemo, as my immune system will crash and it would not be good to risk the chance of infection by seeing too many people.
I have moved out of my appartment, for hopefully, three weeks, while my refurbishing trip there is completed. In the mean time I have moved into the caravan where Saahas lives in Chamelli's garden beside the Amstel river. Poor Saahas, alas, is out on the street for a while. This is great for me and Oitch as I don't have to climb up and down stairs and he has immediate access to the garden (and rabbits). Chamelli also has a hot tub and I think spendig a few hours a day in that will take the weight off my hip and encourage the hip crack to heal.( I have also received radio therapy in my Hip and back. This had an almost immediate effect in pain reduction). The medics say that what ever they do, the outcome of all this medical intervention will be to slow things down a bit. The cancer attack on the bones will kill me. I asked them if there had been any case like mine that had gone into remission. The answer was a very firm, clear no. That's about it on the medical side. Probably more than you want to know!
I have, of course, had to think about what to do about about my body when the time comes.
My decision is this. A bag of my ashes will travel with Oitch to his new home were he will be fed them a little at a time and deposit them around his new home over time, so he will, unknowingly, still have me hanging around with him.
The remainder of my ashes will be given to any of you who would like to chuck them somewhere you think might be a good spot for them to go.
So let me know if you would like to take part in this world wide scattering, and you will be sent a bit of them.
I remain in good heart and very happy and being very grateful that I live in acountry where they have a grown up and civilised approach to Euthanasia, so I can take that route when it all becomes pointless.
I am working out a way to make it a good party!
In the best of possible taste of course.
Once again thank you all for your love and care.
I am so touched by it.
Very much love to you all.
My dear friends,
Some not so good news. The chemo therapy has not done any good and they have stopped it.
I am a bit dissapointed, but there you go, things are what they are.
I would have liked to have had the opportunity to travel and come to see some of you.
That is not now to be.
Cannot find very much more to say just now, except it is a relief not to be doing any more of the chemo, and to thank you for all the love and support you have given me.
Thankyou all so much.
Very much Love Bhavan.
My Dear Friends,
This will be the last of the updates.
The disease has progressed so rapidly over the last 10 days and my left hand does not work so well any more. I want only to say thank you for your love and support over the last months it has meant a great deal to me. Especially I want to say thank you to those of you around me here in Amsterdam I cannot imagine the mess I would have been in were it not for your help. I'll remember it for the rest of my life!
- Bhavan wall
- Bhavan photos
- Bhavan more photos
- Bhavan last photos
- Bhavan pre-sendoff San Rafael USA
on the bottom of this page:
- Bhavan Death Celebration
Remember, only that which you can take with you when you leave the body is important. That means, except meditation, nothing is important.
Except awareness, nothing is important, because only awareness cannot be taken away by death. Everything else will be snatched away, because everything else comes from without.
Only awareness wells up within. That cannot be taken away. And the shadows of awareness - compassion, love - they cannot be taken away. They are intrinsic parts of awareness. You will be taking with you only whatsoever awareness you have attained. That is your only real wealth.
Letter from Ritu:
I feel like writing few lines to tell you about a trip to amsterdam i took just this last weekend: i was visiting deven in koln and i asked him to please drive me to amsterdam, just 3 hours away, to visit bhavan as i know that he doesn't have much time left in this present body....i did not really know what to expect, just i was told that he looked much older then last time i saw him .
Well i have to say that it was an inspiring journey: bhavan look yes frail and like a beautiful grandfather, with short white hair , but his spirit is the same and the house is in a constant flux of visitors ...I actually could say it is like an ongoing soft party ... at least in those days i was there.
It help that he finally meet a doctor who gave him the right medicines to control the pain , after long suffering.. ankhur and sahaj are there permanently,
they joke about being the "butlers" in the kitchen, the laundry,etc.. and there are more people now on a rotation of night shifts.
pragosh and his singaporean girlfriend deshana are there also a lot, even if she just had her own encounter with cancer, now under control..she was taking care a lot of bhavan and then suddenly had to face the same problem ... a beautiful circle of girlfriends then gave her the support she needed.
nritya and dhiren also came at the same time so we had a real "out of africa" revival, with laughter and food for all, etc ...
bhavan now call his flat "the house of love".
There are many paintings on the wall and many of them have a little paper tag with the name of a friend written on it: it show to whom the painting will go after bhavan's death, under request of the friend. so i also asked him for a painting that i liked ...
Make no mistake: there is no denial of death at all, and this is what impressed me the most : it is very "matter of fact", clearly talked about, not hush-hush, a simple fact : death is coming soon.
Because euthanasia is legal in holland, bhavan knows that if it gets too painful he can decide to check out, and that is an helpful tought for him, even if he doesn't know what part will prevail in the dance between the will to live longer and the desire to end the pain.
I wish that he will not have to take that decision, I wish for him that the strong drugs that he just start taking will lead him until a serene death, in the middle of his friends, conscious till the end.
He deserve this gift, because he has the courage to face Her.
Bahavan Death Celebration